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Theatrical Review: Beth Lapides’ 100% Happy 88% of the Time

Give Love & YogaAidCha-Ching: Swapping the Mind for a Song
Beth Lapides’ %100 Happy %88 of the Time!
by Sea Glassman

Having been hit hard on the head by the Woo Woo Fairy’s weighty wand early on (at birth), I’m already a member of the striving-towards-awakening choir to which Beth Lapides is not really ever preachin’ in her frolicing song-spiel, %100 Happy % 88 of the Time. Nobody likes a preacher, and Beth is a relaxed and benevolent raconteur, a good witch who stirs her personal narrative into an alchemical stew of original songs, graphic word puns, paranormal investigations (house dousing, crystals, crop circles), healings and the surviving of several questionable clouds with no apparent silver linings. Even people with a low spiritual IQ would willingly consider converting to a new POV when charmingly crooned to by the divine Ms. B.

Who put the “UN” in fun, Beth might ask, as she begins to undo her own limited thinking in favor of  following the signs, – they may indeed have her best interests at heart. If you don’t already know it, Ms. Lapides is the High Priestess of the UnCabaret, the mother duck to countless stand up ducklings who were honing their hilariously off kilter weltanshauungs (that’s German for world view, people) back in the day on the UnCab’s stages, where Cheerleader/Hostess Beth held the space generously by cackling her raucous, encouraging laugh in support of those unique and valuable Voices Who Were Emerging. Some of them are now Hollywood bigwigs who were even in attendance at opening night (holy crap, did I really just sit in front of Mad Men’s Producer, John Melfi, and the elfin genius of Sex in the City, my hero Michael Patrick King? actor/writer Taylor Negron, as well as NEA Grant winner John Fleck were lovingly in tow that same night.)

It is with this same mirthful and supportive spirit that Beth approaches the colorful narrating of her own path in a recently emerging art form that has moved from pure stand-up comedy to a more integrative story telling, one that encompasses both the dark and light of the personal path. Eschewing the more intellectual take one might expect from her Ivy League education (Brown) and Jewish upbringing in favor of “less thinking, more singing,”  Beth offers helpful antidotes to the unhappiness bred by Our Time. It’s comforting to know that we’re all going through it- “it’s not just you” is her opening number. In other words, Beth Lapides is courageously practicing what she preaches when she asks us to sing along with her during “Change- Makes Us So Unhappy,” reminding us that change is the only unchangeable by being willing to walk through real uncharted territory within herself. She always wanted to sing, but has really just begun in this current iteration of the show, putting a vulnerable yet sweet spin on this performance and paving the way to a more soul based type of entertainment not usually encouraged here in Ho’wood. She has here opted for a more humanized, accessible version of her life’s story, unfolded through a series of signs along The Way.

After a few Hollyweird sucker punches, an eviction and a radio firing, Beth and her curly headed hubby Greg Miller, who throws in a few PIC-y remarks from the sidelines, (‘Partner In Change’ is a Beth-acronym for those who support growth) the two strive to make sense of their uppy downy journey, even while they are in it. And if these two can save their lives by finding meaning in all of its twists and turns, by Golly, so can we save ours. Isn’t that the whole purpose of storytelling, anyhoo?. Everyone has their limits though and apparently, Ms. Lapides draws the Woo Woo line at angels. Can a pow wow with angel expert Doreen Virtue change (that word again) her mind about the existence of the angelic realm? You’ll have to see %100 Happy %88 of the Time to find out.

Towards the end of the show, I could have sworn I saw Beth Lapides sprout wings, she looked so like those cherubim in whom she says she does not believe.  I highly recommend this lovely, uplifting show to take your Mind off. What do you mean “of what?” Ecch. Just take it off.

 

 

 

 

Beth Lapides (read her collection of My Other Car is a Yoga Mat columns here.)  has been receiving some positive strokes for her show–including LA Weekly’s Best of Issue Best Comeback! And a nifty mention in Flavorpill, including, “Inspired by eureka moments afforded by hinky Hollywood, adolescent diaries, 2012, chronic back pain, an eviction, and a foretelling dove, Lapides candidly offers her game-plan for going “emotionally green” as the best tool for survival in this era of demise. Won’t you ascend with her?” Check out Beth’s new show dates on her website by clicking the link above.

 

Sea Glassman is a painter, poet, filmmaker and director, as well as a performance coach, yogini and guided intuitive. She has directed countless plays and began her documentary film career with her debut film, “stacey steals flowers” at the Nantucket Film Festival. Her writing has appeared on line and in various newsletters. Her blog “OMVELOPE,” is a literary magazine dedicated to The Arts and Spirituality.

 

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I highly recommend Sea Glassman. She woke me up and changed my life.

I was in a very dark place and she made me see the light.

And take back my power. She opened me up to the possibilities.

She taught me how not to let my negativity bring me down.

I was stuck for quite some time and she showed me the door.

She showed me how to refine my intention and direction.

She gave me the ability to be in charge of my life again.

I have hope now and I’m open to all of the possibilities

For this I will forever be grateful.

Cindy Gold

Fort Lauderdale, Florida

April 02, 2012

A Mystery School for Creativity

“The door to the imagination IS the door to the Divine.”

“We are the raw material from which we create, and thus,

who you are is the most important resource to cultivate.” 

Photo by Sea Glassman

I have been working very intensively, one on one, to establish a whole new set of tools and criteria from which to shape the acting craft in the coming century.

We are entering a time of expanded, conscious creativity and this new platform will be seen in the new cinema and theater…

 I teach an acting course called Soul Emergence: The Actor’s Process as Spiritual Path, an Acting Mystery School. It is like nothing I have ever studied or been a part of within the acting world. Soul based. Exploratory. Expansive. Challenging to the core. Destructive to the status quo and the various ways we have come to misidentify ourselves. The course has its base in the here and now, as well as the raw material of the souls at hand. It is a unique and honoring experience that bows to and elaborates on the nature of the individual and the gifts he or she brings to the table.

My desire is to set a whole new round of actors free within themselves to the extent that they become human beings of tremendous range and expression, unoppressed and bold, deep and unusual, who then burst forth onto the scene with the unique mark made by this high intentioned guidance. I am simply a facilitator of their journey to the riches within themselves, and its ensuing expression.

My course is an extraordinary experience, and there are many surprising challenges within it. Tools and techniques match new perspectives, and when coupled with participation in radical acts, tests, prepared and impromptu performances and service to the community, all contribute towards opening and pushing the actor to exploring and inhabiting the full range of her or his possibilities.

We are the raw material from which we draw our characters, and thus, who we are as people is the most important resource to cultivate.

And by the way, please know that I do not only teach within four walls, but out and about in the world, in parks, on mountain tops, in rivers, on street corners, in malls and other prime people watching areas… why be in a room?

It’s a mystery school…

Al the best on your journey,

Sea Glassman

 ABOUT SOUL EMERGENCE: THE ACTOR’S PROCESS AS SPIRITUAL PATH


This is a shamanistic approach to exploring the soul’s creative purpose and inclinations, and making the internal expression felt in the external world.

 

Actors, Writers, Directors, Singers, etc, will undergo an intensive and challenging exploration of the soul’s path as it parallels and informs the creative process: first journeying into the oppressors that bind to clear them, then submergence into the deepest self to reveal your true voice, uncovering the unique and passionate purpose and intention of your life in an active form conducive to manifesting in a timely fashion.

 

All techniques are soul based and are drawn from numerous influences (see below), as well as my thirty year dialogues and processes with higher consciousness teachers.

 

Inquire about dates for the Next Master Class. There are also ongoing scene study classes… call to find out dates.

 

The focus is to assist you in how to find and create material that resonates with you, as well as writing exercises to encourage you to write your own material for performance.

 

The 6 week session is challenging, profound and soul based.

 

What we TOUCH on in this course:
– Starting with Emptiness: The Zen of Zero – Monologues for Auditions. How to find material in accordance with Soul. What is before emptiness? Working with societal oppression.
– Chemistry & Availability: Emotional Authenticity with self, others, and in theatrical and cinematic dialogue. Scenes for Auditions.
– The Meisner Technique: Repetition, Emotional Preparation & Activity. Why you are enough as you are.
– Character Work: Creative Decisions in Accordance with the Soul. Culling aspects of the soul to form character.
– Working w/ Other Art Forms to create Unique Characters & Works.
– Performance & Production – Choosing and Using Classical, Modern & Original Texts.
– You Are Your Own Company: Helming Your Work

 

CAVEAT: This immersion is beyond what you might find in an acting course. I have to give you some clues as to what is taking place, but in the first session you will be introduced to ideas and techniques that I have never seen taught anywhere. The above guide serves as a simple indicator – the tip of the iceberg- rather than a curriculum.

 

The Class:
Blending 30 years of acting & directing with mystical shamanism and guided intuition, Sea Glassman accesses higher consciousness concepts and images that resonate with the individual artist, coaching her students through the creative process in a ‘soul to soul’ manner.
With an emphasis on physical, vocal, emotional and spiritual embodiment, the actor is empowered and freed to make extraordinary choices, thereby enhancing essence, talent, self awareness and quality of life.

Teachings from spiritual sources, including A Course in Miracles, Abraham-Hicks, Osho, the Secret, Bashar and St. Germain, come into play. Also on the playing field are techniques and tools from the Theater of Human Flourishing, which Sea developed as a participant in the games, dreams and exercises from the Theater of the Oppressed. 

A high commitment is requested. Classes include instruction in meditation, yogic breathing, physical awareness, classical and modern acting, and choosing as well as creating soul aligned material for performance. Actors will be videotaped. Readings from Spiritual Literature are required, discussed and applied. There is homework each week.

Classes are  2 1/2 – 3 hours long.

 

The Teacher:
Sea Glassman is a writer, director, painter, poet, produced playwright and filmmaker who has taught numerous creativity workshops, produced and directed countless plays, and in the past few years alone has cast over 300 actors and worked with over 70 writers to develop their material, while producing over 26 screenplay readings. An Artistic Director of her own theater companies, Sea has a BA in Film and Drama from Vassar College, was trained in London with teachers from the Old Vic, RADA and LAMDA, at Neighborhood Playhouse under Sandy Meisner, at Harvard’s ART under Bob Brustein, and with Williamstown creator Nikos Psacharapolous in NYC. She has also done extensive energy work and spiritual counseling in the Healing Arts, and is a yoga teacher. Her work as a Guided Intuitive and Career Visionary is threaded into her teaching practice. She performs her original works , including short stories, songs, and poetry, regularly throughout Los Angeles. Her focus is soul oriented, concentrated on freeing the actor for ultimate connectedness to the soul and world at large.

 

Classes begin in January in Los Angeles, and Intensives are being planned in the English speaking countries for 2012. Actors and all types of creators are welcome to attend classes or go through the One on One Coaching sessions. Upcoming 5 Day Intensive Courses will be offered in London, Brighton, New Zealand, Australia, as well as Greece and France (2013).

 

 

A Letter from one of my One on One Soul Emergence acting students:

 

“Since studying one-on-one with Sea Glassman I’ve been on a steeper learning curve than I can remember… Because of my background in a spiritual practice, I felt that I could only get back into acting, my great passion, if I could find a coach who would combine a sensitivity to the soul, my soul, everybody’s soul, the world’s soul, with this great form of expression: Acting!

 

I found her. 

 

Sea is absolutely amazing.

 

A studied actress herself, Sea Glassman brings in years of experience as a healer and intuitive, and has a way of ‘scanning’ you, as if she were to look directly into your energy field, where she determines -in a radar like way-, what your hooks and blocks are BEFORE you begin to even touch on material.

 

Then she does about six weeks, in my case of One-on-One work, (which I highly recommend, so you get all of her for yourself, in which she prepares you to get to zero! The ‘cleaning the slate’ work, ‘coming to neutral’, that we know from acting training, well, Sea goes back even further than that. She begins before zero. She believes in order for your bedrock, your foundation as an actor to be fertile and solid, you can not just begin where you are at now. No, you first have to heal that which is blocking you. We started chipping away at the blocks that stood between myself and my clean slate, my open road, my vast sky of possibilities as an actress. I had several blocks. You name it: A germanic hook (my dad’s German), a load of doubt, severe resistance, the urge to look pretty (!), and the need to control. All masking the big one: Fear. Phew.

 

… with Sea’s incredibly, and I mean INCREDIBLY patient and gentle guidance, before, during and in between our weekly session, (and sometimes longer when the resistance/fear was too great to continue) I made it all the way to my clean slate and to beginning the material, which now, since we have done all this intense preparation, seems rather breeze-like. Sort of like a reward.

 

due to Sea’s unique techniques and exercises, I am doing my best work. I had several experiences in my past acting training in which the performances I delivered came through me from ‘that’ place that is magic. Those moments which you live for as an actor, I guess. And my problem was, I did not know how I had done it. And I did not know how to do it again and again and again. So, I knew THIS is what I needed a coach for. To teach me how to do the magic that impacts others and makes myself feel like I’ve just been touched by God.

 

In the past, in acting class, I felt sort of left to my own wits to figure it out. Not with Sea. She’ll guide you DIRECTLY. She’ll give you the perfect tools for finding THE PRESENT MOMENT, or she’ll give you a breathing exercise, or whatever, but she will guide you to your harvest. The other thing about Sea Glassman is: She does not believe in brutalizing her students. If there is a block, great, it gives her something to work with to get to the gold, that’s how she sees it, and the results are AMAZING. It’s a little bit like Alchemy. And the name “mystery school’ is well chosen for her acting school. 

 

While using Sea’s techniques, I have felt that the whole world of the character I am investigating is being ‘downloaded’ into my conscious and I guess my subconscious selves too. The result is that I am FULL: emotional, real, present, expansive, alive. 

 

Alive! This is one of the side effects that you may experience when you study with Sea. Your sense of being in the moment, being present, knowing yourself, and feeling intensely passionately ALIVE, yes, may well be noticed. You may also find yourself connecting more with others. In short, you are healing! 

 

I am immensely grateful that someone such as Sea exists. That she exists here and that she has the vision of creating an acting school that will make a mark in the industry, as it will be a place from where actors will come forth that are coming from a place of deep integration with their whole selves when they perform. I am proud to be one of her students. 

 

Well equipped with meditative and breathing preparation, and character work, which I have not even mentioned here, but which she teaches so organically, and straight to the point, so potently, that it clothes the prepared actor who is now ready to enter any audition space, any stage, and read opposite the most intimidating of partners… because when you know your Self and have your own soul as a foundation to build on, you know innately that you are a gift to those who come your way. And from that place of beingness, from that sigh, comes expansion, connection, gratitude and a celebration of the arts. And this, I guess, is what this is all about. The path that we are on. Oh, one last thing. With Sea, the acting journey does become about the journey, not the Oscar at the end of it. And that puts you back into a place from which you can ENJOY it all……

 

I am also beginning to understand that what an actor needs to do is to immerse herself in life, in many various life situations and relationships and endeavors, so that she can get to know herself in those circumstances, and then, is able to draw from that for her performances. I see where compassion is the key to entering the other… and that entering the other is the key to ‘being them’…

 

 

i am filled with joy and gratitude as i step, or rather glide, from one Now into the next. I am immensely grateful.

I’m thrilled… and can’t wait to continue with our work…

 

 

Thank you

With Love,

 

Francisca Michel

Los Angeles November 2009

 

 

"God is speaking till his lips are blue"

Mean Deaf Barrista

Performed in front of a live audience at Rick Shapiro’s Spoken Word Night, Cafe Muse, Los Angeles, 2011

redrafted 4/27/2011/11/4 2011

Mean Deaf Barrista has finished making a latte with extra foam and as the poofy haired lady in the maroon suit says thank you, he gives her a dirty look, tracing her steps out the door with his mouth in a scowl.

“Stop it. Bad.” I tell him. He cracks up slightly to himself, snorts in his throat, then hands me my drink with a cocky wobble: green tea soy latte, no foam, no syrup. He rolls his eyes at my frilly silly girl drink.

“Shut up,” I say.

The door opens behind us and he cocks his head sideways at a boy about 23 going out – “Is that your boyfriend?” I ask.

“No,” he says, “too fat.”

“God,” I say.

“My father is rich. He just bought a house in Laguna Beach.”

“So what?” I say. 

“My father is so rich, I buy myself diamonds.” He wiggles his middle finger at me and makes a fake diamond bracelet swirl around his wrist. Then diamonds flow over his hair like diamond shampoo being rinsed down the drain, like a Diamond Barbie, with pull out diamond hair. But he wears no diamonds- not on his fingers, around his thin wrist or in his short hair.

“Tell someone who cares.”

“Fuck you” He mouths, wiggling the diamond on his middle finger.

 Get over yourself,” I mouth.

I do it like this, without saying the words: hand in palm, then hand over my own head. I point and ride: he does not know sign language, so saying it right doesn’t matter. He refuses to learn American Sign Language – he thinks it’s dumb. And, he won’t speak to anyone deaf. That’s what he told me. Mean Deaf Barrista has his own set of principles, completely incomprehensible to the hearing or the deaf. He understands me just fine when I say “Get. Over. Your. Self.” I am a nice person, usually striving to be of service, but I think it may be in Mean Deaf Barrista’s best interests to let a little air out of his elephant man’s sized head. It doesn’t take. He snarls at me, snorts, makes a fake double chin, shakes it off and smiles into the mist of the next latte as I fall utterly out of his head and as he falls into a reverie of his own greatness, he sets to ignoring me so long I feel stupid standing there and leave.

Mean Deaf Barrista is a complex box of wet and dry worms, sniggling and moving, raunchy and emotional, aggravating yet compelling, a cacaphony of sound effects and gestures always causing conflict in the Starbucks. I keep walking in on him having fights with his fellow workers: his arms fly in the air accusatorily, his hands madly gesturing his defense, he is ever righteous and always wronged in a world of injustice and its unjust inhabitants who are blind to the trials of his deafness. He is bitter with resenting the inability of others to comprehend the contorted sounds that argue his case and though he articulates as clearly he can, he is awash and alone in a sea of the hearing and deaf, with nary a soul to hear him. He writes notes when he has to. He has nice handwriting. Mostly Capitals. His traumatized fellow workers confide in me as I step to the ordering podium. Something has always just happened: Mean Deaf Barrista a kind of tornado, with me as his chaser: the cow’s in the tree, and I have to talk it down. He is exiting through the swinging door to go get more cup lids.

Enter in the same swing Tattooed, Nose Ringing, Black Haired Barrista Girl, who is tough by any standards, now wiping a tear from her eye- another victim of Mean Deaf Barrista’s rampages. 

“He hates me” she says, shaking her head, rolling her eyes up, trying valiantly to let it go. 

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“He ACTS like he hates me.”

“He acts like he hates everybody. That means he likes you.”

“He’s always making faces at me.”

“He just uses his face alot- that’s how the deaf talk. It helps them understand and convey subtler delineations of meaning. It’s like tone. Hearing people don’t use their faces that way. You’re just not used to it. It’s not personal.” 

Usually the big words with psychological overtones calm the ruffled victims. But Tattooed, Nose Ringing, Black Haired Barrista Girl is unsure after a fresh attack by a Ninja Master brandishing his gestures and snorts like shiny sharp swords. She disappears in the back as she swings through the door, and here he comes on the way in. They shoulder by each other, not seeing.

“Nice! I like your work,” I say, when he reappears at the register.

“What?” He sneers.

“Stop being rude to people. I’m sick of defending you. Even the customers are complaining!”

“What?”

“What are you, deaf?” He laughs and covers his mouth, which he has shaped into an O. “Stop asking what. You’re being rude. I’m sick of cleaning up after you.”

He wobbles his head sideways like a Pakistani and laughs to himself, which is his way of laughing with me. It has taken me months- over a year- to decipher the language of his hostility. If he pours it over you like a caramel grid on a swirl of whipped cream, he is making his art for you- frothing it and coaxing it into a friendly shape. It is pretty and fluffy and whipped and feels good in the throat, even if it’s too hot. That’s the friendly fire, a sign of love. If he’s moody or busy and has customers, he makes you order fast and he waves you away with his hand, and you’re the fool who stays too long at the fair. The drink is always perfect, because Mean Deaf Barrista is a Master of the Beverage. If no one is there but he is not in a mood to talk about diamonds or how rich his father is, or if he has no energy to insult you, he says, as soon as you open your mouth, “Don’t.” Just, “Don’t.” Or “Stop.” Before you even speak, he says “Stop.” Like he is the Boss of you. And he is.

Mean Deaf Barrista is a pain in the ass of the highest order, and he so has the advantage in this politically incorrect world that you have no choice but to submit to his demands.The weight of the scales is on his side. He can say “what?” to you but if you say “what?” to him, you’re an asshole, which you probably are, at least in this matter at hand. When you stand before Mean Deaf Barrista, the abrupt exposure of your assholedom is imminent and inevitable. To illustrate this inevitability of your obvious idiocy, his eyes are constantly rolling around in his head. They make me dizzy, dizzy with dreams of diamonds. He’s a poser who’s an exposer. A mirror who shows your two faces. 

One day I come in and stand in line, waiting for my turn to say my drink, which is usually free when he’s at the register, but this day they are making him stock the cup lids before standing at his station.

“What do you want?” He asks as he stacks up the lids.

“Green tea soy latte, no syrup, no foam,” I mouth like a silent screamer, over emphasizing the shape of the O in no foam.

“I know!” He throws his arm at me, and it almost falls off.

“Well why did you ask?”

“What SIZE?”

“Venti, you ass.”

If he knows my drink, why doesn’t he know my size?

“Stop,” he says, and holds up a white venti lid like a red traffic light. “Just stop. I don’t want to hear it today.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Problems with my TV show.”

“TV show?!”

“I have a TV show. I’m going to be rich. I’m the star.”

Mean Deaf Barrista suddenly has a TV show.

“What kind of show?”

“Fashion, what else?”

“Fashion? You’re into fashion?”

He Vanna-motions to his skinny denimed ass, saying, “These jeans are one thousand dollars. One thousand three hundred seventy five dollars for this pair of jeans.” He does this number with fingers, and with some sort of noise coming from his mouth that resembles barking. The over stimulation is deafening. I make gestures that mean “step down, man, I am overcome,” before saying:  

“1,375 dollars? Jesus. Why?”

“Because I only wear the best. I’m a fashionista.”

“A what?”

“A FASHIONISTA.” 

He yells this at me like the idiot I am but it comes out Vah-gi-neezda and I can’t quite get it. People who think he just called me some semblance of a vagina-ista turn around as if he used the c word. I get it now. 

“I get my jeans for 12 bucks at Costco,” I offer, – you know, suggesting an alternative, and he throws his hand at the end of his arm so hard at me it almost falls off again. It’s a fast, outright gay gesture that verges on violence, accusing the world: the world is guilty, I have had enough. The world is an asshole, the gesture says. Mean Deaf Barrista’s eyes are desperate: WE HAVE NO FASHION SENSE!, they implore. WE ARE ALL GOING DOWN! 

My Mean Deaf Barrista is now Mean Deaf Barrista Fashionista TV Starista. 

The world is spinning so fast, all of our eyeballs are rolling. The bottom of the ride is dropping out as we go faster and faster, but I am sticking to the side because we can still count on gravity, even when the deaf refuse to learn their own damn language, even when jeans cost a k and a half, even when all of the eyeballs of all of the world’s inhabitants are rolling. I can’t keep up with it, or him. If he has a TV show, why is he making green tea soy lattes at my neighborhood Starbucks? If MDB has a TV show, where is my TV show? Is this barrista thing a front for his real life? Is he a rich, diamond wearing hit man for the local coffee mafia? Who IS my Mean Deaf Barrista? 

It’s an extra tall, foamy mystery, with vanilla syrup, extra hot, and though it all makes me dizzy, it feels good going down, so I keep coming back. I am stuck in the downward spiral of Starbuck’s; I go down daily, hypnotized by the swirling life of my barrista.

Staring blankly at the overhead chalk drawing of wintery cups with whipped cream tops, my reverie on the mystery is broken only by the mellifluous sound of Mean Deaf Barrista’s voice as he barks and waves me away with his arm, “Go on now. I’m working here. NEXT!”

"Don't Love Me Anymore. Why is your hand on the floor?"

6/14/11

Poverty Bitch

A Prose piece for Male Voice by Sea Glassman. It was performed in front of a live audience at Cafe Muse during Rick Shapiro’s Spoken Word Night, Spring 2011.

Poverty is that bitch in the red velvet dress down to her ankles,

gold lame` scarf and under her vibrant smile? black and missing

teeth; she smiles that winning almost toothless grin – her other

teeth perfect and white – and somehow she undoes all of your

thoughts of what belongs to you. She is sheepish and shy while

undoing your zipper, and she slips you the hand while conversing

about Literature, the Arts. Her fingers are dirty, and her nails

chipped – not all of them. When she sings she can belt out a tune

like a diva – her raspy voice a tattooed barmaid seducing the

song, her long spindly fingers hold a thin cigarette, and she acts

like she knows you, even on the street, fresh from the bed, in

front of people you want to impress and don’t want to know that

you know her. And I love her, I love her.

This love affair, I’ll admit, has gone on for so long, she’s the only

one, the only one I see. I look around for others and – it’s not

that she’s jealous – she’d let me go if I wanted, but somehow, that

voice and the way she holds her cigarette, the way her eyes dance

a dangerous flame going up – I want her – I want her – I admit

it. She’s a bitch and she loves me, but she’s all I’ve got.

At night in the deep of her arms she pulls me close and tells me

lies, but she makes them sound like the truth. Her lipstick is so

red, so red that it makes the words pink going out: they taste like

cotton candy in my mouth, and they make me sick but I keep on

eating. It’s the only food she has, and I‘m hungry. I am so hungry

I forgot how to eat, but Poverty – Poverty won’t touch me, – oh,

she rubs my feet, and over her shoulder she tells me how

someday -she‘ll get to the rest of me,- when she has some time –

she’s busy right now, click, she clicks through her whore colored

lipstick, then whips out her cell phone to talk to some guy but in

the morning she’s gone. Who knows for how long.

Page 2 of 4

Poverty Bitch, most current.rtf 6/14/11 6:02 PM

My pillows are stained with whore colored lips. No quarters for

the laundry.

I call and leave messages – I call all the time, but she’s out, or

she’s screening, she has an appointment – it’s only a friend. So I

wait and pass time – I watch some TV – she’ll come round again

– I know it. She always does. And just when it gets so bad – when

I am so lonely I feel like I’ll die, here. she. comes. Here comes

Poverty whistling a tune, and she throws me some dough, just

enough, and she winks, click – just a little, just enough, and I feel

so lucky, I go out and buy me a wee little token of Poverty’s

affection, something to hang on the car mirror, maybe those

fuzzy pink dice. A bobblehead of Poverty, nodding approval. And

when I see her next I’ll take her by the hand and thank her for

not forgetting me – she’s all I have. I take the token home and I

put it on my windowsill.

I think of Poverty when she’s not there – she’s always there but

she’s never there: when she’s out or with others, or smoking in

bathrooms, or on the phone with one of her friends. Only friends.

Then we’re at a party and she’s in a mood, – she slips out for a

smoke, slits her eyes going by – I was trying to ignore her, but

sometimes she’ll grab me and make me feel strong, like I could

do without her, she’ll kiss me like a drunken bear and then push

me away and I’m out on my own. Woozy and swollen and

stumped.

And I don’t want her anymore – I’m sick of her – see ? I’ve had it

with her. I’m through. I follow and grab her skinny dry wrists

and she pushes me into the street and I go – I flip her off and tell

her your ass is too skinny! Now in the light of the street before

dusk, she’s scrawny and drawn, and not the least bit attractive –

her teeth are loose and falling out, her foot massages suck – she’s

a prude and she’s greedy, I tell her – I don’t like the token -it’s

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Poverty Bitch, most current.rtf 6/14/11 6:02 PM

cheap and it’s flimsy – it’s damn badly made, it swings like a

monkey from my mirror, a monkey on my back, cheap, like her

shoes, which don’t match your red velvet dress! They’re the

wrong color!

This backs her up to the concrete street wall. She draws a straight

line with her eyes from my feet to my hair and opens her mouth

to a scowl shaped like a red bent wheel and rolls it at me – a

string of cuss words and a thousand black ships sailing out a red

cave to war, blue flags unfurling behind, and she flicks her

cigarette butt at me, click!, while it burns and she laughs at her

own cruelty, – she has outdone herself this time! Then she walks

down the stair case, that haggy old bitch, – she looked young in

the dark – I’m a fool – and she picks up the phone like I ceased

to exist and she talks, and I walk.

I walk away. I am done with her. She bores me. I admit it – I

loved her. I loved her so much I wanted to bleed for her. I wanted

her hand to reach through my chest and pull out my heart. I

wanted her all to myself all the time, I wanted to live with her,

live inside her, I wanted to be in her blood.

But there’s no liquid there, in those skinny veins – and she

doesn’t eat so I can’t take her out. She’d throw up the dinner.

Bulimic bitch. I’d call at the door of the bathroom, “Poverty!

Poverty! Are you in there? Are you okay? Are you coming out?!”

Here she comes, wiping her mouth with the back of her twiggy

thin wrist. Her hands, though the fingers are long and attractive

– dry as ten bones in a graveyard. She is mean, through and

through.

So why did I love her, why was I devoted, why did I want her

and need her and beg her, again and again, to keep me, to keep

me ? Why did I follow her, come back again and again, hoping

she’d notice me, she’d pay me attention, that I’d be the one that

she’d keep?

That bitch didn’t even read the paper-she knew nothing of

current affairs – politicians and blow jobs, tsunamis in Asia,

earthquakes in India, the colors of the grass, splendid riches of

the world, waterfalls, windmills and grief, the ups and downs of

the stock exchange, song of the wind, blue of the sky, feel of the

air in the Spring, the cats and dogs to roll in the grass, to feed

and to stroke, the babies with fat rolls of flesh, toothless smiles of

pure love – she was selfish, is all. There was no one. But her. Just

Poverty. A one woman show. No room for anyone else. Nothing

in the refridgerator, because she forgot to pick up the milk, she

forgot to pick up the bread. That should have been the first clue.

But we’re through now, see? Through.

Frank

This is the newest and final version of my Frank Conroy piece. I am going to post both of them so you see my rewriting process. This version was edited with the audience in mind, as a performance piece. It was performed in front of a live and lively audience at Christine Schoenwald’s Pinata show at Bang Theater in LA.

Homage to Frank Conroy:

The Official End of the Third World Softball League

by Sea Glassman

On a scruffy softball diamond and a dusty field, the infamous yet almost secret society called the Third World Softball League played a sort of ball. Composed of reclusive Nantucket-ian saints and partying sinners, none of whom ever wore a watch, we were the artists who made stopping time our mission. The human glue that held us together was Frank Conroy, who wrote a few books, one of them called Stop-Time. He was the Director of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, and in 1986, won a Grammy award for his jazz piano playing. He was an upstanding guy, a writer’s writer, a man’s man, and you wouldn’t likely forget the slight bulge of gentle alarm in his eyes, the grinning, sardonic expression of having been there, done that, the hunched nod, quietly affirming friendship. You wouldn’t forget the cranky yet affable grind of his voice, or the jazzy, fluent play of his fingers across piano keys. No one knows a pitcher like his catcher, and though we each had our own claims to fame, I secretly identified myself -to myself- as Frank Conroy’s catcher.

We were a scattered, slightly skilled skid row of part and full time occupants, shabbier than the bottoms of well worn jeans. Off the elbow of Cape Cod, 30 miles out to sea on the island of Nantucket, just outside the teeny town of ‘Sconset, at the end of Milestone Road we met, camoflaged by low scrub brush so no one could really see us: actors in various stages of fame and comebackdom, local poets and printers, writers and inventors, vacationing cameramen and a few flimsy armed but spirited gals clueless about the great game, who all appeared miraculously whenever word leaked out – via the progeny of Conroy, that There Would Be A Game. The edict was handed down to Frank himself, first, whispered into his ear in fevered sleep by Something Higher. The team materialized as if by magic, a psychic hunch emerging from an unspoken but collective urge.

The Conroys were the keepers of the bats and mitts- in a ratty old bent up cardboard box that had stood for decades, changing shape. Towards our last games, bathed in the waters of thunderstorms, the box was a triangle. Somehow at the same moment of summer, everyone pulled up in their rusted jalopies, jogged onto the field in sawed off shirts, rolled in on bikes with rusty spokes or got dropped off by wives amidst hollers and door slams and rejected “Can I come?”s. The old canvas bag and beat up cardboard shape got hoisted from the back of Conroy’s wagon by his two older boys and flung to the ground to be pawed and tested in a fever of machodom. One by one, teams were chosen. Frank picked slowly, deliberately, the underdogs, as if he had a plan.

Was it weekly? Was it monthly? Was it Saturday or Sunday? How many years did it go on? Nobody knows. That cantankerous voiced and jazz fingered Conroy ran us demurely, like the benevolent Irish Kingpin of some uncivilized writing Mob, swinging big pens. Summer air hummed. Ribbing was poetic and jousty, quips thrown through bee buzzing air by people who knew each other for one or four decades. The song of “battah battah battah” was a great hymn equaling the songs of summer birds. It was a kind of bliss, that ragtag team. My tomboy streak enabled me to catch, really catch, so Frank picked me, with just enough girl streak to cover the tomboy to catch the cute boys.

Aside from the Iowa Writer, it was the usual bunch of dirty shirts and grass stained knees: Dick of Poet’s Corner Press, Tom invented the Pepper Gun, Gene of the Camera Shop, John Shea the actor, Frank’s sons Will and Dan, and the little one, Tim, me the NY actress/director, John Mitchell, a movie theatre owner and restauranteur whose restaurant we’d break into at midnight for sneaky pasta, Greg Shepherd, an art dealer from New York and my paramour, another Dick, rightly named, a playboy poet who told me I smelled of the sea, and various ex-spouses, girlfriends, children, nephews and out of town guests who could not be shaken. A proud and ramshackle bunch to be sure, speaking the unspoken language of glances and nods.

Frank’s pitches were even, quiet and secretive. His pop eyes rolled at me knowingly, and though he was a man of words he didn’t have much use for them come game time. He pitched so people could hit. He leaned in slow and low for the kids and the girls, dropping his head and showing me the back of his hand, like a dog giving his paw. Sometimes for show I’d drop an upside down peace sign between my knees for the crowd, as if that meant something, and he’d shake his head seriously like he’d consider it, or I’d give the I Love You sign, and he’d cock his head and sneer as if I were a fool and that was a bad choice, or I’d lower a Thumbs Up, and he’d solemnly agree with one long vertical nod. He knew how to put a little spin on it if he wanted to, but he liked to not be too fancy.

John Shea became legend one summer, when, seeing a home run to be sure, bound for right field and the highway beyond,- he ran from left field with his mitt outstretched like a frenzied cartoon, so fast and so gazelle-ian hard, yes, no, it was not his ball- flying so high over his head that he lost track of the whole world, until SMACK! – hit the chain link fence and ricocheted 5 feet off with a force; knocked the wind out of himself. There he lay face down on the ground, motionless- everyone standing in the stands and all the players doing an impression of Frank, eyes too big, mouth too open. Nothing.

And then, is it my memory or my imagination? -the ball slowly rolls from his mitt. He picks up his head and shakes it a little like a wet dog his jowls after a swim in the sea, and putting his hands- one of them gloved, beneath his shoulders, he looks around and sees all of us, and we cheer. And as he gets up slowly and dusts himself out of that dream where he is our hero, we cheer and busily envy his green knees and the winning emblem of the brown skid marks down his t-shirt front. He walks to the infield, everyone rushing him, everyone laughing and shouting and patting him on the back, while he narrates the play by play. It was our own Field of Dreams on that tortured, tufty patch of weeds, in that town, with that gang, every summer.

The whole game went on for years or decades and we couldn’t remember the beginning, but the day it stopped, we all knew, didn’t we. Frank even wrote about it in his book.

That final summer we were invited to a private field in the town of Nantucket. We should never have left ‘Sconset, because we were mostly ‘Sconset people, and ‘Sconset people are the most particular, peculiar and intimate people on earth, easily repulsed by the antics of out of towners, off the Rockers, and Americans in general. Admittedly, we were swayed by the beauty and extravagance of the rich man’s field, green and perfect, a metaphor for wealth, which was a paradox our name would not allow. Despite our poor beginnings we aquiesced with wide eyes, like starving paupers sensing cream puffs.

We showed up in good faith at the mansion and private baseball diamond of that nice rich guy, the murderer of our team. God bless him, he recognized the purity of a true American past-time, had seen us play – wanted to put his new field to use!- despite our pathetic yet endearing mess of a team.

When we got there, fumes of butter and salt issued from a shiny red and golden popcorn cart, vintage yet spankin’ new. The rag tag team sprawled toward the field, the spaces between us filled with a sort of pre-game shame. We were underdogs worried with high expectation. Our very name, The Third World Softball League- didn’t belong. Frank had his doubts. He smelled doom. You could see it in his eyes – they were hanging a little too low under the pupils – suspicious, he was. That hang dog mouth a little too open, as if he were playing dumb. They offered us t-shirts, and handed us release forms saying we wouldn’t sue the nice rich guy if we got hurt swinging our cracked bats on his fancy field, and as soon as we slapped our John Hancocks down, we all looked at each other guiltily and knew the Third World League would never survive the luxury.

I don’t even remember the game, and I don’t have the t-shirt. We knew it was the end of an era, and yet it never fully died in us. There was always the hope of a game, the hint of it whenever one of us saw an other. But when Frank Conroy died, we knew, without a doubt, that the Third World Softball League would never play again.

This past summer, some of us spoke of a reunion, still looking with such sweet longing onto the lumpy, weed bludgeoned field that lay unmowed in our memories. We could have done it- made a come back. But without Frank, it wouldn’t do.

The Silver Sea. Topanga from Tuna Canyon, 2009 @SRG

Embodying the Flow :

Teaching Vinyasa Flow Yoga

An Interview with Shiva Rea

with Sea R. Glassman, Interviewer

Sea R. Glassman, filmmaker, writer, poet , artist and yogini, has been a friend and

student of Shiva’s for over twelve years. She is a Yoga teacher and Healing Energy worker who

shares Shiva’s passion to live and study the Flow in all aspects of life. This dialogue transpired

over the course of a few days with the intention to shed light on both the details of teaching

Vinyasa Flow Yoga , and the desire to reveal the greater metaphors about living a vital and

courageous life inherent to the practice of Vinyasa Flow Yoga. Sea’s questions and comments

are in italics, while Shiva’s are in plain text. Some Sanskrit words are also italicized.

Shiva Rea is a world renowned Vinyasa Flow Yoga Teacher, a teacher of teachers and cutting edge interpreter and practitioner of flow in Yoga and life.

What do you think is the ultimate job of the Teacher?

Well the root meaning of “ guru , ” which is teacher, is “ the one who

removes ‘ Viddahiya ’ or ignorance, – the darkness. The one who brings light, –

you could see it in the positive if you want , as the one who brings light or the

one who dispels darkness . And it doesn’t mean to create a polarity but it means

the one who removes obstacles, the one who brings insight.

For me , in terms of Americans becoming teachers on the path of yoga,

it’s important to know that there are different kinds of teachers and I think some

of the challenges that American teachers face is that we’re teaching much

younger than anyone would be charged or supported or given a transmission to

teach in India. There’s a much longer period of apprenticing under your

teacher, who is usually fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety years old. I don’t think

though , that this is something that we need to then throw in the towel and say

“Oh well! How can I become a teacher? I’m young. I’ve only been doing yoga

for one year, five years, ten years, twenty years …” I think there are different

kinds of teachers, and different stages of becoming a teacher and even as I look

at all the different teachers I’ve had , I can see there are different -I don’t want to

call them categories , but different functions of the teachers, some of which we

can assume quite early on.

Obviously one function is that we are transmitting the technique of yoga ,

which is like a raft, a vehicle for transformation, and the most important thing for

every teacher is to assume the role of the teacher as a kind of “ mitra ” or as a

friend.

A mitra ?

It means a spiritual friend. I mean all the good qualities of a friend ; that

you support someone, that you have a sense of benevolence towards them, a

sense of unconditional love and support, which, to me you can extend to even

someone that you are meeting for the first time, because in the path of Bhakti

Yoga , devotional yoga, you are always Honoring the One. So there’s the mitra ,

which is a friend, and think of how we turn to our friends in our lives- they’re the

ones who simply tell us the truth, but perhaps gently … do you know what I

mean? Gently.

If you’ve chosen your friends and teachers wisely, then you can expect

truthful, benevolent feedback. But constructive.

Yes. Yes, but it holds the truth. I think of my best friends as the ones who

are not afraid, who have been given my permission to hold that truth . How do

we hold that truth as teachers? It means we’re giving honest feedback on the

bodily level, on the energetic level, either through your touch or through your

words, about where they need to be supported …

Another role of the teacher is as a guide or usher on the yogic journey.

When I say Usher, I use it as a metaphor because the role of the teacher is to

help the student find that seat by themselves where they come in contact with

the Great Guru, with the capitol G, the One Teacher that Patanjali refers to…

The Teacher Within.

Yes, the first and foremost teacher is God within the Self.

You mentioned the techniques of Yoga as a raft … what would be the

river?

The river is life, but the techniques of Yoga are that which will help you

navigate through the rough spots of the river.

And perhaps transformation occurs on the sail, on the trip…

Absolutely. Yes, we could flesh out that metaphor more but I also think

there’s the role of the teacher as a midwife. We all come in to the world with

certain constitutions, and those constitutional orientations, within Ayerveda are

called doshas – your prakriti, your genetic nature, and your personality traits. All

of these become -later in life, your body mind patterns , and it develops into your

orientation even towards yoga . Maybe you’re more of a bhakti yogan- more

devotionally oriented, or if you’re more Hatha yoga oriented – you understand

Yoga more through the vehicle of bodily transformation , which includes

everything but you’re more kinesthetically oriented .

Define Kinesthetic.

Kinesthetic is bodily intelligence.

An awareness of the Self through the body.

Yes. Through the body. It’s an actual form of intelligence. Think of it as

when we were first born. It’s primarily our kinesthetic intelligence that actually

stimulates our verbal and cognitive skills that develop through touch. Through

the body is how we develop our sensory motor pathways of how we come to

know the world.

Right. The body as a receptor of information.

Yes. And some people are more intellectually oriented,- the path of

Jnana Yoga. It refers to the Yoga of Self Knowledge. It usually refers to

someone who studies ancient or sacred texts in any tradition.

They have a more intellectual approach to understanding the world…

An intellectual approach to Self Knowledge, Self Realization.

And the Self as World.

Anyhow, the teacher as midwife is the one who helps you birth , in a way,

aspects of yourself that perhaps have been either limited by your constitution ,

by your body mind patternings. In the yoga asanas, the teacher as midwife is

the one who really helps you go through all of the strength and weakness

imbalances in your body which are never just on a physical level. So , as we’re

opening our hips in Baddha Konasana there may be a physical shift, but there

are other corresponding kinds of emotional and internal shifts that are

occurring.

For instance, what is it to “ learn to surrender? ” Is it a physical state? An

emotional state? A spiritual state? Internal shifts integrate the different

dimensions of our Self.

A physical shift can trigger an emotional shift. Shifts will probably occur

on all levels sometimes.

Exactly.

But maybe you use the fabric of the body to get in.

Exactly.

Or perhaps with some people, you’d have to approach them in a more

intellectual way and give them verbal information.

Exactly.

In other words, you’d say that one of the jobs of the teacher is to be able

to be aware of the constitutions of those who are in front of them.

Yes and to understand which approach would best benefit the student,

the more practical karma yoga, the kinesthetic hatha yoga, the heart oriented

bhakti yoga or the intellectual approach of jnana yoga.

Let’s talk about Flow.

O.K. How is Vinyasa Flow Yoga related to the larger path of Yoga, the

larger stream of Yoga?

First we’ll say that there’s a universal understanding of Yoga as any path

of Unification , and in that way, Yoga is both a verb , and a state of being.

Meaning any activity, any path that unifies. Unifies what? Unifies all of the

dimensions of our being that sometimes feel separate. Our sense of our

physical body being separate from our mental body, our mental body being

separate from our emotional body. All of these dimensions being separate from

our energy body , our soul, the Atman.

So, Yoga on a universal level is any activity , any path that leads towards

integration or wholeness of the human being. You can also see it on all the

other different levels: between human beings, within the community , and

globally. It’s also a state of being unified. So it’s both a verb and a state of

consciousness, a state of unified consciousness. This is why I feel that Yoga is

now a global practice . It isn’t being limited by people’s religious or spiritual

orientations.

Also, in a more specific definition, Yoga refers to the philosophy and

techniques of the practice that create this unified state of being or that serve to

unify the human being . These techniques originate within India, and within a

context of Hinduism, which is again a very general term that is not used by

Indians themselves. It was a term coined by the Greeks meaning basically the

people who live in the Indus valley. Hinduism itself is very rich and is usually

called Santana Dharma – the Eternal Dharma , the Eternal Path of Truth.

Hinduism itself is like a huge complex of different relationships to the one

All-Pervading-Energy-of-the-Divine , towards which people from different

families, different villages, different states in India , have more specific

orientations. So you’ll find the three main streams of Hinduism are Vaishnavism

Shavism and Shakti-ism, if you want to put the isms on the end, but it’s a stream

of all the different incarnations of Vishnu, which includes Krishna and Rama ,

and their consorts Krishna Rada and Sita Rama. Shavism is basically

connected to Shiva and Shaktiism is the connection to the Divine Mother .

Those are the three main spiritual rivers, but there are thousands and

thousands of tributaries.

So Yoga exists also within the context of Hinduism. It shares chants and

techniques that are born out of the more than five thousands years of its

existence.

Hatha Yoga here in the United States means the path of Yoga that uses

Asana as the primary vehicle of transformation. Vinyasa Flow is a branch of the

tree of Hatha Yoga, and within that tree of Hatha Yoga , you find the lineage of

Krishnamarcharya, the lineage of Sivananda, and the lineage of Kripaluananda

– various teachers who then work with the techniques of Hatha Yoga, which are

Asana, Pranayama, Bandha, and Meditation, and Kriyas (cleansing practices).

Vinyasa Flow in the tree of Hatha Yoga comes out of the lineage of Sri

T.V. Krishnamarcharya as teacher. And there are three main teachers that came

out of these teachings; Sri Patabhi Jois with Ashtanga , and then Vinyasa Yoga,

TKS Iyengar with Iyengar Yoga , and TKV Desikachar with Vini Yoga. Vinyasa

Flow was born in American soil , even though it is in relationship to this larger

context of Hatha Yoga and Yoga as path of Unification , – as the huge incredible

stream of Yoga , it was really born over the last three decades, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s,

and now into the 21st century of Western Yoga teachers beginning to study with

these different streams, Asthanga , Iyengar, Vini yoga as well as other streams,

including teachers of Tantra and Kundalini Yoga. It all comes from the

quintessential Western experience, particularly the American experience of

being exposed to diversity and then creating a means by which to integrate,

synthesize and express the diversity.

In other words, there are people who started studying with Iyengar,

people who started studying Ashtanga, Vinyasa, and people who started

studying with Desikachar, Viniyoga , and stayed true to just those different

systems, because those three are systems within themselves.

Like a religion?

It’s not a religion, it’s just a system. It wants to be a system that is not

diluted. Shri Patabhi Jois doesn’t want the Ashtanga series to break down and

become different things. He wants it to stay that way. But then you have Iyengar

which is going so deeply into alignment and yoga therapy , and the use of

props. Then you find in Viniyoga this whole attention to use of Vinyasa in terms

of adapting to individual needs.

So you find in Vinyasa Flow Yoga, which is born more out of Ashtanga

because of the integration of the very, very heart of Vinyasa as chattarunga,

upward dog , and downward dog, the series of poses that link the Ashtanga

series. On a movement level, that’s the heart of the Vinyasa, which is complete

in itself – it illustrates the principle of Vinyasa, of linking movement and breath,

and of using counter poses.

… (downward dog) which is a counterpose …

A counterpose for back bend. So this is a reflection of the heart of

Vinyasa, which is preparation. So you heat the body first. Then you prepare to

move towards a greater culmination and then from that culmination you come

down from the mountain and you do the counterpose in response .

It’s like story structure!

Exactly. So Vinyasa Flow tends to look more like Ashtanga then the other

systems, but the main difference is that it is not a set sequence. It incorporates

more of Viniyoga in that there is a sense of using smaller sequences towards a

specific aim , and that aim can change.

Vinyasa Flow mostly originates from Shri Patabhi Jois’ teaching of

Ashtanga.

Yes, but he’s not saying “ Oh ! Go teach Vinyasa Flow ! ”. It just

happened. It just happened that people found they might be getting too injured

in Ashtanga , or they were wanting to teach to different populations that weren’t

strong enough to do Ashtanga . Or they found , like what happened to me after

doing Ashtanga for ten years and going very very slowly all the way through the

third series, that after I gave birth to my son and then went back to that system ,

there was a huge organic shift that permeated all the dimensions of my being. I

had been totally initiated into a different rhythm , a different consciousness. I

needed to be able to fully explore the possibilities, which is something you

might find more in an Iyengar practice. So I began to integrate the option of

taking longer holds in poses , going deeper in hip openers, or investigating

variations in back bends…

Instead of an eight breath hold…

Instead of only five or eight breaths. Exactly. Sometimes wanting to

address certain – I call them “ leaks in the boat, ” whether it’s a weakness in the

body or a tightness in the body. Out of love, wanting to spend more time on

really opening my psoas and quadriceps. When I say things on a muscular

level, it’s really the first doorway to everything else, it’s never just the physical.

Plus I think giving birth was a deep initiation into the intuitive mystery of being

alive. There’s so little that you can control when you’re giving birth, not that you

would want to control it but more like the incredible satisfaction of following

energy as it’s unfolding in the form of having life grow inside you…

… Which, although there’s a certain time line, it is new to the mother, and

is not necessarily going to absolutely unfold in this certain sequence, in this

certain way, in this exact amount of time, so you’re organically drawn to a new

way of participating in the unfolding.

Yes , and also giving birth is the quintessential creative act. One of my

teachers, Shandor Remete, said this to me when I was pregnant , “You will

really come to know your life force when you’re pregnant.” And so what I found

when I emerged from this initiation of giving birth and also breast feeding, was

that I was being initiated into the deep creative potential of life. All the cycles.

You have to die many times when you ’re becoming a mother. Die to your old

body. Die to the old rhythms of your life.

And you have to honor each passage. You have to be completely

present in each cycle.

Absolutely.

I can see where that would lead you out of a certain way of being.

Now that you’re in this new place with your practice, do you think in ten or

twenty years you’ll be in a whole other place that you can’t even foresee?

Oh totally, totally, that’s always my prayer. A prayer within yoga . Which is

why I feel so excited about Vinyasa. It’s an evolutionary path. It puts you in touch

with the creative unfolding of life as it is happening inside you , and then to

express that fully through your practice … do you know what I’m saying ?

Yeah!

And that’s my prayer. That we all continue to evolve.

It’s almost as if you’re part of a new generation of Yoga teachers who are

integrating everything that has come to pass in Yoga thus far.

Yes, and I think the people who are drawn into Vinyasa flow – and this

gets into the question of being a Vinyasa Flow teacher in the United States- are

people who are not necessarily bucking the system, but just weren’t drawn to an

orthodox path or , as we started to follow an orthodox path , there was an

intrinsic sense of loss. It wasn’t about “ my independence, ” “ my ego,” or “ I’m

not gonna follow that! ” As a child, even though you experience growing up in

your parent’s household in a certain way and you don’t know the specifics of

other approaches, you may still have an intrinsic sense that there are other

parts of yourself that are wanting to be born …

… like a city kid wanting to go into the forest and run ...

Yes , or someone who’s an artist who grows up in a scientific household

or a scientist who grows up in an artistic household . We’re nourished to an

extent, but you feel that you have to continue the exploration…

It’s almost as if there’s a knock at the door of the heart saying “ let me

out!”

Yes ! I have deep deep pranams – whole body prostration respect -for

the lineage of Yoga, the passing of the flame. I feel blessed to have received

transmissions from many different teachers. However, no matter what form you

look at- if you look in the arts, if you look in the realm of science, or at spiritual

traditions in India, there is always evidence of those who do further exploration,

and take their art or science or technique beyond the known. These are the

Isadora Duncans who have studied ballet, but then decide they need to branch

off, or the person who studies with Martha Graham , and learns the technique,

but knows that something else has to be born from it, like Jose Limon . In

Vinyasa Flow yoga , what has come before is absolutely the fertile ground of

evolution.

Siddhartha Gautama had to leave the palace because though he had

everything, he had an intrinsic feeling that for his evolution as a soul, he needed

to leave, it wasn’t enough. Then he went and he found all different yogis, he did

all different kinds of tapas and ascetic practices and still there was the

evolutionary call . You have to move on from there too, and he did. He sat under

the Boddhi tree and found his home.

Vinyasa is grounded in the philosophy and techniques of Yoga , but it

gives you fertile ground to find your expression in a way that’s very authentic

and fresh and alive. I draw a lot of inspiration from Jazz. In Patanjali ’s concept

of shtira and sukha- you need the steadiness of technique, but the sukha is the

improvisation , the creative energy, like what you hear in a jazz rift . We say this

in class, the beginning of Surya Namaskara is like learning to play the scales. It

doesn’t matter how long you’ve been playing. It’s good to come back and hit the

different notes. Technique means a refinement of the relationship to life energy.

We could all take a horn and play anything but that doesn’t sound very refined .

We have limitations. We play one note and it goes whooop! but if we just start

with the scales , later we can refine our energetic expression through that

instrument. The teachers who are drawn to VF Yoga in the United States are

people who are becoming yoga teachers in their twenties, thirties , and forties,

and they are bringing whole selves to this practice . They bring their lives and

backgrounds to the teaching.

We are working with the techniques of Yoga. We are experimenting ,

expressing within the rhythm and requirements of the class. If you come from a

very athletic background and you know the ritual of starting from somewhere

and finishing , then you know the empowerment and transformation that comes

from that ‘Stay with it’ process. You know the process of biking from the bottom

to the top of a mountain and you can apply that to your class. You may have a

lot of rich life experience that is already telling you about the unified state of

consciousness that comes from that kind of dynamic empowerment, and you

may be drawn to teaching in more athletic environments , or students may be

drawn to you. Your pacing of the flow may be more dynamic or relate more to

your life as an athlete , or surfer or rock climber , and those metaphors are

within you.

In this teacher’s training, I want to help empower people sooner rather

than later to connect with their own core energy in relationship to Yoga,

because that’s when the teacher starts to become really inspired. The class has

sparks, and it’s juicy because they’re speaking from their own experience.

Rather than what I see happens to a lot of young teachers , who feel like they

have to list all of this alignment, or they’re worried about where they have to

place the body, whether they’re doing everything right , or if they sound like a

teacher . It’s hard to build a class because you’re not out there connecting to

your own creative energy. So what we want to empower people to do is to have

a good sense of alignment, a sense of which structures to begin to play with ,

but then how to work with rhythm , how to work with voice, how to assess the

energy that you see in a student in a class, so that finding the flow is a very

organic , evolutionary, living process and not some cookie cutter repetition.

I feel like there are some very specific needs that Vinyasa Flow is

addressing in the Western Yoga world. One is that most of our lifestyles are

monotone on the movement level, and I speak even for myself. In other words, if

you really kept a log through the day of how many different movements you did :

sitting , standing – and there’d be a few shifts of the hips, walking …

…driving…

All on the frontal plane.

It’s pretty bleak.

Yes . And the range of motion, the diversity of movement experience is

very limited, even if you’re a Yoga teacher. Any style of Hatha Yoga is

reawakening your range of diversity.

Our modern lives don’t require much diversity of movement.

Right. We need stimulation on all levels. But I don’t agree with the view

that Americans are obsessed with Hatha Yoga because we’re so “identified ”

with our bodies, and not spiritually oriented. I think that the spiritual crisis in

America is not that we’re so much into our bodies, it’s that we’re into our heads

and we’re trying to get ‘in’ to our bodies.

We’re out of our bodies.

We know on an intrinsic level that something is wrong. We know this. Not

just this decade but its been going on for this whole past century. Do you know

what I mean?

Well, since we’ve stopped having to survive by using our bodies –

Yes, or riding horses or – a lot of different rhythms going on. And we know

in our nervous systems that we are …

…on overload.

Overloaded.

This is a huge thing- it also relates to the philosophy of Trance Dance.

We find ourselves in this strange situation where mentally we are scattered.

Mentally we are overloaded and we have to tend to the ten thousand things

rising and falling. And yet on a bodily level we are more stagnant and limited.

Vinyasa Flow actually reverses that, and the mind becomes one pointed. Its

only focus is Now. In the body. Your mind rests on your breath and lets the

breath drive. And your nervous system is adjusted.

And we’ll get to talking about the flow of the class here because

sometimes, particularly in urban settings, if you start the class just with

meditation, most people are going to be sitting and fidgeting and just trying to

download from their day. So actually using complexity of movement and

reintegrating the body first is often a path that leads them to sitting in meditation

at the end.

Let’s get back to what I was saying about reshifting the focus from being

mentally scattered, nervous system overloaded, body stagnant, to mind calm

and focused, nervous system becoming more empty and the body becoming

more alive and diverse through the asanas. In Vinyasa the focus is the whole

mandala of the body. You also find there’s an emphasis on the freshness of

each class, by having a wide palette of different sequences and different

rhythmic orientations so that its possible that no class ever looks the same. This

is something that on a soul level is a way for me to say “ yes! ” to life. It’s like a

mini activism.

It’s like saying no to the practice of genetically modified food … – like in

the organic farming movement or in the ecological movement of preserving the

diversity of different eco -systems, mono crops of genetic seeding- where the

seeds are all genetically uniform and are not being naturally diversified through

the natural wild crafting of seeds , in which people are planting seeds that are

already genetically modified and every seed is the same…

Eek.

… Is not sustainable. The crops don’t have the same resilience. Like

when we clear cut an entire forest, we cannot replant that diversity.

No.

Aligning with diversity , which does not mean exclusion of simplicity or a

“let’s just keep creating new new new things” kind of mentality. It’s not an

impatience with deepening into a process. It’s like keeping a certain steadiness

and depth in your practice but letting that be rejuvenated through spontaneity,

diversity, creativity and absolute reverence and attention on who you are in that

moment.

If you go out on a river , or you go out to sea, and you have your

compass – I love the arrow of the compass- you know how it goes back and forth

? And it’s so beautiful when it fits, it centers. Flow is like that. What’s more

satisfying when you’re on a road trip, putting your car on cruise control or

driving yourself? On some level it’s satisfying ‘cause you can just lay back and

talk but , come on , it just gets you somewhere fast. But let’s talk on a soul level.

You can take your frozen dinner and pop your box into the microwave , press a

button and there you have it, but does that taste as good as when you cook it

yourself and bring out all the different spices…

And you get it from your garden.

Yeah and you’re pinching stuff and tasting it. Of course, sometimes we do

something and it’s the straight path and that’s where we’re headed. The art of

flow is always that we observe nature and that we observe our participation in

nature.

It’s about a process.

It’s process oriented and it includes the excitement of having to make a

decision in this moment, the excitement of not knowing.

Let me reiterate something that keeps coming up. With great respect to

the transmission that has come before, it seems that your desire is to take this

transmission to the next level, and it’s almost like a personal and global call to

human evolution through Yoga. That’s what I get from what you’re saying.

Yes, I guess on some level I do feel altruistic about it because all of us

care about what’s happening on the environmental, social and political levels .

We want to know how our lives are relating to that. The next phase in our

evolution is to synthesize. In the West , the different aspects of yog are coming

together. So working with Jai Uttal and integrating kirtan, integrating Bhakti

Yoga and Hatha Yoga, and bringing the traditional mantras of Surya

Namaskara into the Sun Salutations, which are very devotional towards Life

Force, is very important.

Kirtan is chanting?

Chanting, yes. The mantras of the Sun Salutations , such as “ Om Mitraya

Namah ” which is “ Salutations to the Friend of All ,” is about the sun having this

unconditional radiance. So I think Vinyasa Flow is also open to cross

fertilization or the integration of other aspects of Yoga. It also lends itself to

meditation practice because of the polarity of moving into stillness . Sometimes

the dynamic movement is a really incredible pathway for creating the right

conditions for meditations. The body is open and the breath is already ripe . So

you can see how Hatha Yoga , with all the asanas as “ seats ”, actually prepares

you to sit inside yourself.

As a teacher, you’re very optimistic about those who come, almost as if,

yes, as soon as we begin the practice, we are entering the flow. Yet my

observation as a teacher is that there’s sometimes a bit of a struggle or path of

resistance that has to be traveled before they come awake within the flow.

Maybe at some point you can address that.

We can go into some of the challenges to teaching Vinyasa Flow.

I don’t want to be negative.

No. No.

But as a teacher when you look around, you can almost see the thoughts

springing out of people’s heads !

And you see the sweet faces.

And you’re thinking “ How can I help them settle? “

Right, right.

I also want to ask about preparation and flying by the seat of the pants,

speaking of seats.

OK ! Challenges in an urban setting we’ve already spoken about, and the

nature of the urban nervous system. Challenge, from a yoga perspective , is

always fodder for the practice. And so the vrittis, the fluctuations of the mind, are

really a source of energy . They are energy that has gotten diffused or bound.

So the point is this energy needs to be channeled.

Exactly. The challenges of an urban setting, particularly teaching in LA

are : you come into the class, there’s a quick change of the class , there’s not

time to settle in, everyone is trying to find their place, people find their place,

people are driving , hurrying , parking. Some people arrive early and are in

meditation. The biggest challenge in teaching Flow is that from where you start

there are going to be some people who are not in their own flow, in fact, not only

are they not in their own flow, they are coming from a disharmonious flow,

whether from the stress of driving or the rhythm of their day not yet being

integrated with their life energy…

Are you scanning the class immediately?

Absolutely, but it becomes less and less the more you work with a similar

group of people. We’ll get to that in a moment. So, some people are arriving in

the flow, some are disconnected to the flow, some coming in with a funky flow.

And that’s cool.

Yeah , they’ve just flipped off a fellow driver!

No judgment, no judgment ! It’s just been a funky flow day! Some people

are coming in an harmonious and spacious state. So this all sums up to people

coming in with different states of being that you could actually describe

rhythmically. So the challenge is finding…

Physical states that can be translated rhythmically ?

Yes, yes. Like slow and steady, neurotic and everywhere, nervous…

Like Gabrielle Roth’s way of describing rhythms?

Yes, you could see it as some people being in chaos, stillness, etc…

You’re doing a general scan of the energy in the room in terms of rhythm.

Also on a rhythmic level, we are all collectively faced with being

influenced by a larger rhythm of the seasons , of the moon , and whatever

collective things are happening, whether tensions or celebrations.

Right.

The challenge in creating Flow, if you want to do this in a way that we

were talking about earlier, in not just a cookie cutter manner but really living and

responding to the moment , is that you need to find the raft that’s going to be

spacious enough for everyone to find their way down the river in that class.

Luckily, if you’re teaching in a mixed level class, it means people already

have some orientation to the experience of a Unified Flow Consciousness ,

within stillness and movement. They will know what a really beautiful , deep

Savasana feels like. They’ ll know what it feels like to be passing through a link

in the standing poses and feel their breath sustaining itself.

To feel that kind of flow when you’re in a dynamic rhythm in class feels

similar to experiences of dance, or when you’re entering ‘ The Zone ’ – surfing ,

kayaking, running, – when there’s the entrainment of all the dimensions of your

being, so that your life energy feels like it’s carrying you, that it’s doing the

activity. All of a sudden , you’re being run , you’re being danced, you’ve

entered into the Flow.

It’s almost a trance state. You’re engaged in a deeper groove…

Yes. You’re engaged, and some people describe that as movement

meditation . The fact that everyone has started from different states becomes

fodder for your creativity, as does the fact that some people already know what

Flow is from their Yoga practice , and have an orientation in their nervous

system towards Flow.

One of the things that you’re transmitting to those on a beginning level is

“what does the Flow of Yoga feel like?” The benefit there is that people are kind

of open. They don’t have preconceived ideas or notions that they’re beginning

to be attached to on a rhythmic level. Both sets have their own challenges. Each

thing has its own hindrance. Beginners are more open , but they have less inner

and outer experience from which you can draw to create the Flow. You’re really

setting up the Experience of Flow. Whereas in a mixed level class they have an

experience of flow but that too can be a hindrance because they attach to

certain things that they like about a flow and certain things that they dislike

about a flow.

Experience creates likes and dislikes, so keeping it new becomes the

challenge.

These are all factors in getting the group energy of the class to begin to

syncopate and align and ultimately entrain. These are important words.

Define entrain.

Entrainment. To entrain. It’s a verb, but the state of being entrained is

entrainment. Entrainment is how all of the planets are moving around the sun.

They’re in an entrained rhythm. Like when you go to a concert and everyone

starts clapping , and at first they’re clapping in different rhythms and then they

all start clapping together- that’s entrainment. I don’t know if it’s a Law of

Physics but it’s a phenomenon recognized within physics that when different

bodies begin to sync up on a rhythmic level…

When disparate energies, different elements come into sync…

… that’s what syncopation is, what alignment is…

We’re looking for that experience.

Yes . Exactly.

And all of us are. Even when we come into the class, on some level,

we’re looking to come out of that frenetic state and to join up with something

greater …

Yes. We’re coming with our individual needs, and one unconscious need

for Westerners is the experience of Group Mind. The experience of the Tribe.

Just think of how powerful the experience is when the teacher leading the yoga

class is actually getting the ten , twenty , thirty or in a conference, three hundred,

to be breathing together! All inhaling, taking our arms up, exhaling , taking our

arms down- that is extremely powerful. We don’t even have that experience with

people we love. How many times do we just go home and sit with our husband ,

our mother and father or our son and daughter and say “let’s just sit together

and breathe . Let’s inhale together , let’s exhale together. ” It’s extremely

powerful.

It’s very powerful. What you’re saying is this is not a concept that we’re

actually familiar with. We’re not even knowing that that’s a possibility. A group

experience of Unity.

We don’t even know that we need it.

We desperately need it.

One of the things that has formed my experience of Vinyasa Flow is a

principle from my dance background , which is about the entrainment of the

community. I encourage everybody who gets inspired by this system to awaken

this concept within themselves.

This was my experience in Africa when I lived there for two and a half

years studying African Dance. It’s all about entrainment of the individual with the

community on such a powerful, powerful level.

Absolutely.

Often our experience in Yoga is very individually oriented, but when

you’re in India, you see both the individual pilgrim, and you see bus loads and

car loads of pilgrims chanting together “ Jai, jai ram ”- bus loads chanting

together, or you find the temple is playing a chant early in the morning and

people have their own relationship to mantra that’s already alive and they’re

already beginning to attune to that.

And we don’t have that in our landscape. We used to, and people who go

to church certainly have that experience. Because they go and they’re singing

together , which is also like doing pranayama together, because when you are

singing you can only exhale. So when you are singing together , you are

breathing together. I mean you may take your own individual breath here and

there but in general you are doing pranayama together.

The unifying life of the Church is really being disintegrated in America

and that is probably because there are elements of that life that are not

satisfying. We probably shouldn’t go into this, but I go to my father’s church, a

primarily black church for gay and lesbians and my father is white and

heterosexual. You walk in there and there is entrainment. There is Flow.

Everybody is singing from the depths of their being. Do you know what I mean?

And I remember going with my Grandmother to an Episcopal church, and I

didn’t feel like the space was being filled. The separation of flesh and spirit that

has been a conflict for several thousand years in Western culture was present –

St. Augustine, in 3oo A.D., declared that the body was the source of all sin and

our job is to transcend this hellish body…

I mean, Eek.

Yes, well , you can sense that separation when you go to some churches.

And so I think people who are drawn to Yoga are having fulfilling experiences

in whatever spiritual tradition and accentuating that through Yoga- they have a

church that they’re deeply involved with , or a Buddhist practice that’s very

fulfilling, or they go to their synogage and do Sabbath at home and it’s deeply

moving for them. And Yoga is echoing and supporting that. Or they’re people

who just don’t resonate with any of the spiritual traditions that they grew up with.

They felt the emptiness and separation of that, and are looking for experiences

where they can have that unification as an individual. And we don’t talk about it

much in the Yoga community but it is this group entrainment on a spiritual level

that draws them , – and when I say spiritual, I’m meaning at the heart of being

alive, which is breathing. Because Vinyasa Flow is oriented around breath, it is

absolutely a spiritual practice that is not in conflict with any spiritual tradition,

unless that tradition feels that somehow being alive is something that you just

have to endure until the next life. Because Vinyasa Flow is all about being

liberated now- Jivamukti.

The Liberation of the Soul. Now.

Jiva as in soul. Mukti as in liberation. Liberated. In this moment.

As an artist, it’s something that I think about a lot. That we don’t know

we’re starved for that group experience. And along with the church, the closest

thing that our modern life offers us in which to have this participatory experience

is to attend a movie where we’ re all at least experiencing triggers of emotion at

the same time, but even that has begun to be taken away from us by the

technological advances that bring DVDs, Tivo and advanced entertainment

centers into the home, so we’re more and more being taken away from

possibilities for entrainment. In light of the events in our lives right now , there

seems to be a global call to move towards entrainment.

But you can’t take it away because people will seek it like they seek

water.

Right . They don’t know that they need it, though, at this point, but it’s

coming.

We are not articulate about needing it ; so we’ll go to clubs, to sporting

events , we’ll go to the theater, to concerts…

It’s a kind of hidden desire. Like you’re lost. You’re a mole under ground ,

looking to come to the surface. Every time I go to the Hollywood Bowl, I’m awestruck

by how many people are experiencing the same musical event. I feel

entrainment very powerfully there.

You can be explicit about it, like in the very beginning of class, when we

do the Sea of Oms, I say “ we’re not going to say when this Om is going to end,”

because we are entering into Group Mind. You don’t want to trip anyone up,

because some people, as they are entering into yoga , are fiercely holding on to

their independent thinking and all of that, which is great! But you don’t want to

trip them out on what they feel they need to hold on to, like their own

discriminative powers. So, good! Stay attuned to your powers!

This comes up immediately, this stuff!

Yeah. No one is saying “ by entering into Group Mind you’re …”

Giving yourself up!

Yeah! Signing up…

But it feels like that to some because that’s how the Ego operates.

Sure. So they may not be ready for a flow class. They may need

something that’s strictly kind of technical.

Because I‘m interested in the phenomenon of resistance, I was following

the process around the group doing the Sea of Oms. When we first started ,

there was some stumbling and hesitation, but now it feels like a whole different

thing. We are entering into it now. After a certain amount of time and familiarity,

there was the Let Go, and then we could enter. Which seems to me the process

of everything. There’s resistance, there’s the letting down of resistance which is

surrender, and then you find your way in to having this big experience. I see

that happening with the Sea of Oms. But first it’s like “ What? Why am I being

asked to do this? Do I wait for someone else to start? Should I start if there’s a

pause? How will I distinguish myself? Do I blend in? Help!”

Right. Right. So when you’re creating a flow class , you have to be aware

of whatever challenges are up at that moment. And this is not every class that

you are aware of this. You can go for whole periods where things seem quite

steady, and then you start to notice that you walk in and something’s up. If

you’re a female teacher, you’re having your menstrual cycle, which changes

your psychological state. Life is change.

Sure. Or there’s a death in the family or a fight with your boyfriend…

Sure , and that is a challenge for the teacher of flow. In order to be open

and listen to what’s needed in the moment, you have to be able to both draw on

your experience, but not project your experience, which takes experience in

feeling the difference between the two !

And consciousness.

Yes, and consciousness. So to be a Flow teacher is to be an ongoing

student of Observing the Flow. Of yourself, of the seasonal rhythms. That’s why

I think Ayurveda is a central practice for teachers , and maybe we’ll get into that

later. These kinds of sensitivities determine the ritual of the class and we are

giving people tools that are universal and stabilizing no matter where anyone is

in the Flow, such as sounding Om, such as entraining with the breath through

the use of the first arm movements of Surya Namaskara…

Linking the breath to the body.

Yes. Those are universal tools that will always set the flow. But

observations as to whether people seem tired or scattered or tense are part of

Svadyaya, self observation both for yourself and the class. The rhythmic

observations help you create the body of the class, in choosing how long you

are in the lunar and solar cycles , with what your emphasis is. You may come

with a certain theme or pilgrimmage of sequences, but in order for that to be

fresh and alive in the moment you have to be able to respond to these other

observations. You can’t know until you get to class.

Yes, everybody was on the floor yesterday!

Yes! There are some observation questions on states of being.* Some

have to do with qualities, some with rhythms. Maybe we’ll make a list of them

later. Questions that you are observing about yourself throughout the day, and

observations of your students.

It starts with yourself.

Yes, it starts with what you are observing in yourself.

So you have to trust that you are a part of the whole!

And then the basic principle we use as Hatha practitioners, as Flow

practitioners, as students of Tantra and Classical Yoga , is that in the Union of

Opposites, whatever arises in your observations, the opposite is always the

tool for balancing that, or answering that.

Opposites as a balancing tool.

Sometimes it involves cross fertilization, as in if you notice that you feel

scattered, the opposite of something that moves in many directions is something

that moves in one direction. You need to pause in that moment and create

stillness, focus and stability. Sometimes within polarity, it’s not that something

needs its opposite but that it needs to surrender fully within the mandala of Yin

and Yang, within the mandala of Ha and Tha, solar and lunar. If you find that

you are slightly fatigued, move towards circulation and generate energy, or

surrender towards the lunar, towards the yin , and recieve your energy through

stillness. So it’s not that always and every time, the opposite is the answer.

People have resistence sometimes, to going fully into the one direction or

the other. Even when they’ re working very dynamically, sometimes they’re

holding something back, and you have to give them permission to go forward.

What does it mean to feel how much power you have in your legs? To really

give them permission to fully explore the opposite. But it’s always been in

relationship. Even if you go into one direction. Say you tell people to deeply

surrender to the relaxation , sometimes I remind them that they are charging

their batteries, and that the winter brings spring. Stillness is the place from

which the energy then rises . We all know that when we do restorative poses,

we have a sense that we are restoring ourselves so that we can then move back

into activity with greater balance. It’s within the context of the Yin and the Yang.

Even when you know that you’re working to your maximum potential , it’s

because you know that eventually you’re going to go into Savasana. It holds the

space. But without that awareness of the opposite, that moment of effort or

surrender, the movement in the other direction is less rich, less deep. There ’s a

relationship.

And these fluctuations happen within a certain amount of time. You know

you’re going to have to exert, and you know you’re going to have to surrender,

and each has its power because of the other. So everything comes in a timely

fashion.

Right. Like the day. The reason we’re working now is that we know the

night’s coming. We’ll be tired. And we surrender to sleep because we know

we’re going to wake up. We know we’ re not dying. We know we’ re not going to

not wake up again.

Nothing is lasting forever here. The work isn’t lasting, etc. So we bow to

the cyclical nature of all things.

Exactly. If you’re a student of Flow, you’re a student of cycles and rhythms

and harmony and balance, as well as creativity and chaos.

So you begin to trust the process that everything is a process! There’s a

lot of trust involved.

And you get skillful around process.

Yes, skill around process, instead of outcomes.

Thank you , Sea.

Embodying The Flow

Part Two: The Pilgrimage of the Class

Shiva: In Yoga when you go on a pilgrimage , it’s called a Tirta Yatra.

Tirta means a sacred place, and Yatra is the journey. I’ve always been inspired

by reading the Classical Hatha Yoga texts, like in the Shiva Samnita where the

whole understanding of the outer pilgrimage is taken internally. India is covered

with pilgrimage destinations. There’s the whole vision of the earth of India as

being the body of the Goddess. Of there being thousands of places on her body

that are sacred.

Sea: Wow! Right. Pop! (Sea plants invisible flags.)

Right. And the main rivers are the Yamuna, the Ganges, and the

Saraswati, the underground river.

The invisible river. See? I know one or two things.

Yes, I know just one or two things too! So between the two of us, we know

four things!

I know one or two, you know four thousand!

No, I know so little , it’s just incredible.

The rivers are considered to be her blood , -the prana, the juice.

The arteries of the body.

Yes. The nadis that we have in our energy body. So this gets translated

in Yoga as the pilgrimage actually taking place on the inner landscape of your

being. And that’s where the koshas come into play. You’re making this

pilgrimage from the outermost layers of your body to the innermost layers, or to

the core of your being.

From the gross to the subtle.

And this is also similar to the experience of entering a temple. You enter

the outer gates, then you move closer and closer to the inner sanctum. First we

have to orient ourselves on the physical layer, the Annamaya Kosha. Your

physical body.

A good place for a human to start. With this. (Sea pats her arm, her body.)

Yes. Right here. The flesh.

Then you get connected with your Body of Breath, the Pranamaya kosha.

Then we start to become aware of our breath, Ujayii. Then as ujayii comes alive,

you find that your body of awareness, the Manomaya kosha also starts to

become more present and less divided.

Is that the mental body?

It’s the mental body, but it’s also the intelligence body, the experience of

organizing consciousness. Very different from old thinking mind, or the mind

influenced by vrittis, the distracted mind.

And that includes the body and the breath?

Well, it’s a little bit like Russian dolls, and it’s not exactly literal, but it’s a

way of describing that we have these different dimensions of ourselves that

seem separate, but can become integrated. One of the purposes of Hatha Yoga

is to make a pilgrimage towards your innermost self, but it’s through the body,

through the breath, through your consciousness and towards your wisdom

body, and then getting to move even closer towards the Anandamaya kosha,

the core of Bliss.

The whole concept of Titra Yatra relates to your experience of the Body

as Temple and you find a parallel in the way the people enter into temples, into

shrines , the way that they go on pilgrimages .

Pilgrims have deep connections or ‘pulls’ to their destinations, which is a

very different perspective from “ Well, I guess I have to make this journey, I

guess I have to go to the store today, I have to go visit my in-laws.” There are

certain ways that we move through space , having to go places we don’t want to

go, or engaging in some kind of mundane movement that is absolutely in

contrast to the intensity that pilgrims have when they make their journey. This is

something that they’ ve been waiting all their lives to do.

We spent some time in Kathmandu, and my favorite thing was to wake up

really early in the morning, four or five A.M., and watch the women make their

way through their local space with their puja tray , with the cumcum powder and

the flowers, and go to all the different shrines in their neighborhood to make

offerings. That was their morning pilgrimage, their morning circuit.

They made a daily pilgrimage.

A daily pilgrimage, yes. So Hatha Yoga is like that daily pilgrimage for us.

This idea was instrumental in shifting my relationship to being embodied. And it

also really highlighted the idea that is present for us in Western culture, that

sometimes we have an objectified relationship to our bodies. The most obvious

examples are “Abs of Steel,” or “ Buns of Steel,” where our goals are very

externalized and the motivation is about how it looks. Of course, it feels good to

have strong abs. But how it looks has to do with how someone else is

perceiving us. Underneath that you can find a motivation that isn’t always

coming from a loving relationship to your body, but from some dislike or disgust

or something. It’s very clear that in our culture we have huge body image

issues. In the somatic world, you’d call it an objectified image of yourself.

Would that mean identifying yourself more as a body? Thinking that the

most important aspect of the identity is the way the body looks?

Well, it relates back to the time when people had some kind of illness,

and they just wanted a pill to fix it. It has to do with a kind of mechanistic world

view, like the way we view the earth is the same way we view the body. “What

can I get out of this? If it’s not working , how can I fix it? ” And it bypasses an

experience of your body, or of the earth , as sacred. It sounds simple and

idealistic , but if you really investigate this kind of historical or cultural

conditioning that has to do with the advertised images that you see while

growing up, they’re very different from some of the images that you see now of

someone who’s doing Hatha yoga in the mountains . It’s almost like their body

is in some kind of a prayer. The ratio of those kinds of images to those of a kind

of externalized version of our bodies is very small. Striving for an external

perfection- what does that actually feel like inside? Ballet dancers and people

involved in body building start to feel like their body is a machine.

Or a kind of armor, which I’m seeing in my healing work.

Yes. We have to address the inner life of the body. And I don’t want to

generalize because on the other end of the spectrum, I think dancers become

so intimate with all of these layers of their bodies because they’re expressing

from the inside out and there can be an incredible consciousness and vitality

and healing quality through that expression.

The way this relates back to studying Hatha Yoga or becoming a Hatha

Yoga teacher is realizing that in the yoga room, people are going to be involved

with a transformation of their experience of themselves that will start and be

rooted first very strongly in the experience of the body. So whatever distorted

feelings they have about their body, or whatever might even be somewhat of a

reality but gets fixed in their mind, such as people are stiff, or they’ve never felt

very strong, these are going to change.

The body has its own ideas about what it is.

Yes. So to me the whole concept of pilgrimage and the Body as Temple

really means to be a devotee of the Life Force , where you’re consciously

inviting the Life Force. For instance, it’s very common if you look in your class,

half the people are stiff or tight, and that’s why they’re there initially, and that can

become a very fixed impression of one’s self which reinforces the holding

pattern. All these things are very important to be attuned to, particularly if you’re

teaching Vinyasa Flow, because the flow can only be as great as

our willingness to enter into it. If you’ve ever been in a canoe with

someone who is half way paddling, or kind of …

Back paddling!

(Laughs) Or back paddling! It’s okay if someone doesn’t know what

they’re doing , but if they’re enthusiastic, the energy is actually moving. And if

they are enthusiastic about being in the water, so excited to be on the river, and

you start paddling … Ho! You start paddling together, and the flow comes! That

metaphor relates to our job as teachers, which is to identify what resistances to

the Flow are in the room. Some, as we were talking about , are a part of urban

living – more like obstacles to the flow in that people start from a scattered place

or they start with tension, and these are going to change. It’s fine. All of this is

going to change. It’s nothing to get freaked out about. It’s just our job. The job of

the midwife is to serve the new mother and the things that arise for her. She’s

going to be in a contraction and she’s going to get uncomfortable so you as

midwife help her get comfortable. A beautiful flow starts to happen. You support

her with breathing to encourage that flow. Everything is going to change.

And everything that is present is going to come up.

Yes. It is, within reason. We’re not doing psychotherapy in the room,

we’re not doing emotional healing, but, because yoga practice is a multidimensional

practice and because the flow of our life energy absolutely feeds

every dimension of ourselves and is hindered or liberated by every dimension

of ourselves, if we are a student of flow , we are a student of all of these things.

So having said that, we don’t have to address these things in a heavy handed ,

lecturing, direct way. I actually have found it’s more effective to indirectly

address some of these disembodied states that we encounter, or limitations of

our body image .

I start from an intention of honoring the Body as Temple, or honoring the

sacred landscape of the body. From the beginning I am completely honoring

everybody as a divine embodiment. The way I touch them, if I adjust them, will

be respectfully. In the way I will address parts of their body, they will hear a

sense of benevolence or reverence, so…

They may not even know that they’re being honored.

And it doesn’t mean that the language is very sensuous, or very soft

toned. In a dynamic flow, say in Virabhadrasana 3, I’m talking to that back leg as

a square dance caller, and I’ll say “ Lift that beautiful back leg! ” You know? It

can be very strong and vibrant language but there’s never a sense of

degradation or violation or imposition or bossiness towards the body.

Or judgment.

Exactly. That helps people relax around however it is that they’re defining

themselves: if they’re tired, if they’re stiff, if they feel weak, toxic, whatever! Or if

they’re feeling wonderful! Particularly to the men who are stiff, for instance, I

might suggest they think of their father doing yoga, or suggest that in their family

lineage, they’re probably the most flexible person who’s come around for the

last thousand years! In other words, you don’t have to directly say, “Oh, the stiff

people, I know this is hard !” It’s just to bring whatever is natural to you. But get

very clear on your relationship to your body, and to being in a body

centered practice, and to how you relate to other people’s bodies.

When we say body, we are talking about where the soul meets the body .

Wholeness . Conscious, living , and dynamic, not body as object.

So, come back to Yoga as a practice of Pilgrimage. When we go on

pilgrimage, usually it’s to a place we haven’t been before and there’s a feeling

sense of where you’re being directed to, but what happens between when you

begin and when you arrive is, as we know, the process oriented part. That’s

where the transformations are occurring.

All of the asanas, in a way, are like different pilgrimages unto themselves.

Urdhva Danurasana, or any of the back bends, are very sacred pilgrimages to

the center of the heart. Very, very deep opening into the inner sanctum of the

heart. Or for me, in hip openers, it’s like going down to the delta, the sacred

cave of the body. The feeling tone is very different in every part of the body. In

the Tantric world there are thousands of chakras besides the main 7 or 8, and

the chakras in themselves are also pilgrimages.

I love the idea of honoring each asana as a pilgrimage in itself because it

points to the necessity of being present in every moment in the hour and a half

pilgrimage, and honoring each moment. That’s a great intention for a student.

And for me if you’re doing a daily practice, there’s that famous saying by

H.Y. Pradapika about Hatha Yoga, something along the lines of “ Hatha Yoga

is not for the weak! ” When you’re involved in a transformational practice that is

challenging, just as any pilgrimage that has any spiritual power to it, there’s

usually some difficulty in getting there.

One of the pilgrimage places for me is Mt. Kailash in Western Tibet. It

takes two weeks to get there, then once you get there you circumambulate it

more around the mountain. At one point you’re up to 18, 000 feet. No one is

allowed to climb Mt. Kailash, because it’s an Abode of Shiva . It’s like a huge

lingum and it’s also sacred to the Buddhists. The parallel in Hatha Yoga

practice is that we can live our lives and roll up our sleeves and embrace every

challenge with this idea of “ a battle to fight and win, win, ” or the internal attitude

of the pilgrim as one who is deeply humble to the privilege of making the

journey. When I see different pilgrims, particularly Tibetans making prostrations,

or walking, or Christians crawling on their knees, it seems like a total surrender

to the process.

I take refuge in my practice. As much as possible. Of course, there are

days when it feels like, “Okay , I’m going to sustain my practice, this is what I’m

biting off today.” It’s like our meals, sometimes we’re eating it and tasting it and

savoring it and sometimes we have this half hour in between and we’re just

eating. Just eating. Not that there’s a drum roll around every practice, but when I

use this metaphor of being the pilgrim and Hatha Yoga as an ongoing

pilgrimage towards both the inner core of my being and devotion towards Life,

the swell of my practice feels rich and wild , like anything could happen.

Yeah, it’s like a jungle. Not just a landscape.

Rather than Orange County where all the trees are the same height, and

pretty predictable.

Funny that we’re talking about the earth.

I live for the inspired meeting of creative evolution, of the creative

energies inside myself. When I feel that unfurling, some new discovery in my

body, or it’s not always new ; perhaps it’s deepening some experience of

myself, or of an asana, or when the dam, – that place of tightness opens, it’s like

a baby fern unfurling.There’s no restriction to the flow. But to not be freaked out

when there are restrictions.

I was just thinking at first we were talking about taking refuge in the

practice, and then you kind of moved to this place of living for the flame and

fanning it when it comes, and it’s almost like you’re saying that you have to

begin by taking refuge in your practice, and when you allow yourself to become

completely immersed, then perhaps you see a flame, and you go towards it.

Well, yes. I think part of the reason why you take refuge to begin with is

that you feel that there is some flame that is there.

You’ve been saying that a lot in class lately , “Take refuge in your

practice,” so I wanted you to talk about that a little more.

Do you know what I mean ? You don’t just surrender to something unless

we can feel that there’s something there.

Believe me, I understand!

Yeah , whether it’s a person you fall in love with …, we know! Like my cat

Choochie. He sniffs something out – he won’t just eat anything !

That’s why we show up on our mats ! We know there’s something good to

eat !

That’s also our job, to share how we’re inspired by this practice. I think

we have a wonderful, artistic role in transmitting Yoga because part of the role

of the artist, whether it be in dance, music, visual arts, is to inspire, to breathe life

into something. You could really lose a beginner if your teaching is dry, and

overly technical. I’ve had people say to me “ My first experience with Yoga didn’t

inspire me, didn’t move me.” It doesn’t mean that we’re constantly emoting, and

trying to uplift people. But it means to be very authentic to the moment.

Sometimes my inspiration comes from getting so real, just speaking

about how crazed we are that day, or how pooped we are that day. Inspiration is

like a wind. It can only move through something that’s there. That’s why we

have to start with ourselves.

This idea of authenticity is very essential! So powerful if you’re going to

be teaching from a truthful place. Otherwise, you’re just acting like a teacher,

how you think a teacher should act !

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ! Exactly ! And we’re still animals. We can smell a

pile of poop! We all know when we hear a teacher saying the cliches of Yoga.

That’s why I want to encourage teachers sooner rather than later to not be

burdened by the technical responsibility of Yoga in their language. Not

necessarily in your sequencing. In your sequencing you need to be

responsible. Not burdened, responsible. And that of course translates into our

language. But so many teachers have so much anxiety in the beginning. Not

necessarily teachers that I’ve worked with, but so many teachers come to me

and feel concerned as to whether they’re teaching the right thing, or because of

that concern they just teach one or two things because they feel safe within

those parameters. That’s why I think your metaphorical life, the metaphors that

we already know and we come to yoga with and get ignited in our yoga practice

are the compost for this fertile , sacred relationship to the body. You continue to

feed and nourish your experience. It can’t just come from somebody elses’

experience, it has to come from yours.

And I’m also remembering what a teacher of mine said which was that if

everybody only taught what they have already mastered, then nobody would be

teaching anything. Because there’s also that which we know and feel that is

authentically a part of our body of knowledge. In other words, you can have faith

in what you have to offer even if you’re just aiming at it and in process with it

and it feels true for you. Even if you haven’t quite gotten there yet, you can still

be putting forth ideas to people about going up the mountain even though you

haven’t achieved the mountain top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Right. You can be a pilgrim on the path and not yet

gone to the top of the mountain, but you’re on the path.

You’re on the path, and that’s a rich place to draw from.

Absolutely. I mean you can still teach Baddha Konasana even if your

knees aren’t touching the ground. It’s okay. In the pilgrimage of the body,

though, it brings to mind why sometimes a yoga teacher’s calling card is a photo

of themselves doing an asana… it shows which sacred centers in the body have

been opened or activated. If you really look at teachers who’ve been teaching a

long time- I don’t even have this in my chest ‘cause I haven’t been teaching for

thirty years yet- there’s something that happens to the yogic rib cage over a long

long time.

It opens.

Right, And that’s just not something that’s going to born in five years or

ten years. Thirty years.

Rod has it. (Rod Stryker, of Pure Yoga ). He has tremendous prana.

Rod totally has it . In his chest. Prana. Absolutely.

It becomes a visible presence , what you know and what you’ve

experienced, but it happens over time.

So let’s talk specifically now about the Pilgrimage of the Class, the way

that we set up the journey of the class.

Well, in Classical Hindu Temple architecture, there’s the gates to the

temple, and you walk into that, and the you’re inside the temple compound. It’s

called the middle courtyard. And then you pass through some more gates

towards the inner sanctum. And sometimes you have to pass through several

different structures to actually go to the inner sanctum, but let’s keep it simple.

You pass through the gates, and then you’re in the courtyard, and you pass

through another gate and then you’re in the inner sanctum.

Now we can use that structure in terms of Yoga class. As people enter

into the room, we want the atmosphere to feel like they’re entering into a

transforming space. That’s the first ritual of being on a pilgrimage. A

demarcation of space, and that also relates to taking refuge in the practice.

There’s a tangible sense of entering into a sanctuary even though we want that

feeling of the sanctuary inside ourselves , and even though that sense of

sanctuary is not separate at all from the outside world. It’s not like “ Psst ! It’s

safe in here! ” and “ Oooo! Danger outside! ” You know ? “ Oooo! Evil, toxic

outside! Oooo! ”

You’re scarin’ me !

I’m saying it’s not an escapist reality. It’s a natural, ancient experience

that comes from the world, of needing an interior space which is really devoted

towards the Essence .

I hate to interrupt you but I’m having a revelation.

Yes, ma’am.

It’s like a temple within a temple within a temple, and then the practice is

the temple and the asana is the temple and then of course life is the temple we

enter into from birth and…

Right, right. Exactly. So that’s the thing. Entering the first gate is the

classroom, and then you’re in the courtyard of the Temple, and the role of the

teacher is to help usher people in towards the inner sanctum , which is inside

them, inside their hearts. That’s from the Upanishads. The inner sanctuary is

inside you. Again , you can carry this very same feeling into any class you

teach, even if you are teaching Corporate America ! If you listen to the

symphony it very much has the same structure. This is classic transformational

structure and you can use many different metaphors to describe it.

Elaborate on the Corporate America idea.

Say you’re teaching a class at Apple. You don’t have to say (hushed

tones) “Everyone ! Enter into this temple! Feel the inner sanctum of the heart! ”

That’s not going to be their language! And this might not be your metaphor at all

but it’s helpful to know that Yoga comes out of these deep archtypal structures.

Even the architectural structure of a temple is considered like a body,

where the gates are the feet , the tower is the head, and the inner sanctum is the

heart. So we’re talking about this an archtypal structure of the divine body, but

you can use your own metaphor. The metaphor that we use in Vinyasa Flow is

of a river, lake, or ocean. You’re on the banks of the river. We’ve all had the

experience where you’re about to jump into a glacial lake and you hesitate. And

maybe you don’t jump in that day ! That feeling sucks. When we don’t have

enough guts to jump in. It’s our role as a teacher to help people into that

process. Jump into the Flow ! Jump in ! It’s refreshing !

When I went tandem sky diving, I had a great teacher. He kept saying

“You’re gonna love this ! ” We’re in the plane at 14, 000 feet and our knees are

starting to shake and we were wanting to get really freaked about it. And they

kept saying “You’re gonna love this! ” And I kept wanting to pray and make

some big ceremony and when it was time to go I wanted to sit at the door and

pray some more, and he just said “No, you just count one two three, here we

go! ” You know? It’s our role to remind people that entering into the flow is very

natural. It’s our birthright! It’s not something exotic. To be in a sense of grace

and of being moved is something we’ve known since we were children. It’s

something that business people know, – we’ve already gone through the list:

athletes, jazz musicians, dancers. In every spectrum, if you’re thriving, you’re in

Flow. Doesn’t matter what activity.

Not everyone has a perception of that flow as being something sacred.

When you say “ sacred ,” all of a sudden it sets up “oh well, here’s the sacred,

here’s the profane. ” Sacred has to do with the fact that at the foundation of that

experience or that vibration is a recognition or reflection of the Essence.

Everything is an Emanation of the One, so what defines something as Sacred is

that it is reflecting the Essence fully. We can just drink our water like “gulp, gulp,

gulp, we’re thirsty!” Or we take the water slowly and there’s this recognition that

this is absolutely sustaining us to be alive. We drink it in and we receive it with

every part of our body. That becomes a kind of sacred experience. The Flow is

permeating everything. You don’t have to describe it in sacred terms, using

words like “temple, architecture and pilgrimage,” but your orientation towards it

as a sacred experience will open you as a teacher, and it will open the flow of

Yoga that comes through you to be aligned with the Essence, the Underlying

Essence.

Talk about “The Essence. ”

The One Who Creates Us All. Om is the underlying essence.

When you say the Essence, you’re saying That Which Beats our Hearts…

The indivisible Core, yes. The Indivisible Core, the Life Force.

It occurs to me that the modern, Western fear based mind- not to point the

finger and go “ Modern Western Fear Based MIND! ” seems to be conditioned to

stop before a rite of passage as if something needs to be prepared … What is so

distinctive about you, – and I say this as an old friend – what is so amazing

about you is that you have embraced Flow as the natural way of being, and that

the stoppings have become unnatural now. But what I think we are all

surrounded by in life is a sense of stopping a lot and then taking pause and

going “Hmm, I don’t know.” What you’re promoting here is that there are

constant rites and passages and we have the option of flowing through them

without stopping .

We don’t need to prep ourselves, we don’t need to stop ourselves, we

can be invited into the next rite of passage joyfully, have it be an experience of

Flow … maybe this is too tangential.

Only thing to me is that rites of passage are pretty huge, and flow is a

daily rhythm that culminates around certain transitions.

Right but you’re talking about jumping out of a plane and you kind of

want to make a reverential gesture or ritual, a bow to a new beginning …

There’s some stopping before the rite of passage where you’re leaving that life,

where there was no jumping out of planes …

Right, right ! Well, in terms of teaching and in terms of teaching Flow at

the beginning of the pilgrimage of the class, the beginning is very important,

and you have to feel that it is natural , it’s what you always know, so you don’t

freak out if everyone’s not in sync or entrained in the beginning, but there’s a

very clear attending to getting people to enter into the flow. You’re a Temple

Guide and everyone gets through the gates. And once you’re in the middle

courtyard and you see people fidgeting or looking around, then it’s your job to

find the language pertinent to each person and say it in different ways. So

you’re in the temple gates, or you’ve pushed off the river with our raft metaphor,

and you’re starting to paddle, – go back to that person we spoke of earlier, who’s

kind of looking down the river going “ O , did I make the right decision to go

down the river? ” or more likely in a yoga class the mind thinks about where it

came from or is not yet fully present, so our job is to encourage people into the

flow, encourage them into the flow.

How do we encourage people to pass through the gates and enter?

The beginning of a class is very important. The way you enter the temple

gates can set up the entire flow.

So the ways to enter the gates: you can use chanting, you can use

visualization, you can actively call people into some kind of intention or

dedication in the beginning. You can put them into certain asanas which are

reflective by nature, which include tadasana because that creates some

centering by just standing, and is a simple call to presence. You can use a

prostration on the belly, or some other forward bend, like utanasana with the

knees bent, or a simple cross legged position to shift the attention inward

towards the journey towards their Flow.

You can use music. I’ll have specific pieces of music that I use very

specifically as “ entering into the gate ”kind of music. You want music that has a

kind of invocation quality to it, such as Om, or Jai Uttal’s Chanting. Even if it’s

not actually chanting, you can hear and feel that it’s a beginning, a calling down

of the spirit. Within Tantra and Vedic ceremony, that’s the first thing you do, you

call down the Life energy, whether it’s through a specific deity, like invoking

Ganesh, the destroyer of obstacles. That ritual beginning is very important and

using those tools also goes back to what we were talking about in the

beginning- to inspire in the early stages what your orientation is towards Yoga.

Sometimes I’ll use rhythmic music right in the beginning if it’s a more solar

class. Again, I don’t want to strictly typify for myself or for anyone else what the

texture and feeling of that moment is going to be, because then we would be

starting to ‘fix’ something that is relating to the infinite.

And you don’t want to fix something infinite!

No! You want to be as open as possible, yes.

Doesn’t that require that you sometimes ignore where a tamasic state

presents itself and everyone is kind of crashed out on the floor ? You have to

say to yourself “Ok, that’s what it is but I’m going to set the tone in a different

direction.”

Yes, and we could go on and on and on regarding different feng shui

remedies in the beginning of class – in fact, let’s just list them.

Okay.

If you come in and you see that people are very fatigued you have two

choices: you can nourish their need for stillness, or you can use the dynamic

opposite, but not harshly. You call people to standing, you don’t start on the

floor. You feel it. You think “ Boy , if we start on the floor, we’re never going to

get up. ” If it’s a very heavy feeling, start standing. If the feeling is that it’s been a

very charged day and people are trying to settle themselves, to ignore that may

actually disrupt the potential of the flow, so you have to be very sensitive to this.

Sometimes if you’re teaching an evening class when people are coming from

work, people aren’t that settled. They’re still coming in late. It’s up to you if you

want to create boundaries where no one can enter after five or ten minutes later.

I tend to be fairly open about these kinds of things. When we’re about to

sound Om, the door is shut and no one is walking in when we’re sounding Om.

If it’s just before, I allow people to come and enter into the door and just stand

there and do Om , because I’d rather they have that experience. I think it’s more

disruptive to walk in after the Om and have to settle yourself. If you’re right there,

right on the cusp, come on in, sound Om and then we can lay down the mats! In

that case, if we are trying to get settled and at the same time I’m trying to initiate

this feeling of going into the gates, I call upon people’s skill. I use it as a Yoga

Wisdom -in -Action moment. I call upon people’s skill to learn how to keep an

inner stability while allowing the room to get settled. So even though the room is

getting settled, I invite people to feel that you can actually have that polarity of

adding your sense of inner stability while things are changing. You don’t have

to have that sense of “Oh, I can’t get stable till everything’s settled.” No! You can

be connecting to your stability as things are stabilizing.

I guess that’s what I was saying before about stopping before the big rites

of passage begin, that sense of “ Okay, we’re starting NOW! ”. We have to

instead continually allow and include within reason, and know that that’s a

human skill that we need to cultivate.

Right.

You teach that very well!

And as people are moving their mats, to promote the good karma of

making space for someone to do yoga. To diffuse as much irritation and a

territorial type of attitude as soon as possible – this may only be in L.A.! Or New

York. You may not find it as much in middle America.

No- it’s human.

But the idea is, be aware. Sometimes at the beginning of a class you’re

going to find that you’re going to have to mitigate things. Navigate the flow.

When you push off the dock, there’s choppy waters, and you have to attend to it

to get past the break into smoother waters.

So if you’re a teacher of Flow , attending to the beginning is very

important.

You’re also teaching people how to transition.

Yes, Vinyasa Flow is very much about transition.

Transitioning gracefully while allowing others to maybe go at their own

pace a little bit, to include other paces.

Absolutely. And I think our ancestors had a lot more perspective in a way,

about what they let rattle them, and there were alot more manners in place and

not this huffy puffiness towards strangers that you sometimes find even in a

Yoga studio. Even in the way Yoga students relate to staff. And again, maybe

this is an L.A. experience, but…

It’s a modern urban experience probably.

Yes. And you want to say “ Everyone, relax a little bit here!”

Take the chill pill!

You know, have a wider sense of what’s important. Not to chastise

people, because sometimes I’ve actually been in classes where teachers are

actually chastising people about their cell phones or about being late or any

number of issues. My teaching style is to diffuse the small

irritations, rather than highlight them. Let the small things be small,

and the things that are important, let’s bring our attention to those! Even with cell

phones. People know that they’re not supposed to bring their cell phones to

class, but things happen. I don’t actually have a problem with it in my class. It’s

very rarely that they go off.

The only time was when you answered the phone. That was so funny!

I think you said “She’s in Yoga class. She’ll call you later.”

Right, right, but to make benevolent jokes about the small irritations is

modeling for people about what you’re saying: transitions, irritations, etc.

Diffusing doesn’t mean belittling, or you know, when you sit in traffic, being

reactive, but Vinyasa Flow as it relates back to Patanjali’s first sutra.“ Yoga citta

vritti nirodah. ” Yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind.

Most of the fluctuations of the mind are caused by our reactions to our

experiences, so in a way, in Vinyasa Flow we are really refining our nervous

system towards being less reactive. We have greater stamina, but also

sensitivity and subtleness and adaptability. You find in the health systems of

Taoism and Ayurveda and oriental medicine, the ideal state of health is one that

is adaptive. Adaptive doesn’t mean so crude that anything can happen and

nothing phases you. But it does mean that you have, in your choices of your

food, not only the food you eat but what you listen to or put into your brain, that

you’ve actually taken care of yourself well enough while not isolating yourself

from life, and that you can be in many different situations and be a pillar of

peace rather than adding to disruption. You’re actually diffusing disruption.

Obviously it’s the mark of your passage into a higher level of evolution

that your perception as to what irritates you begins to change dramatically. Like

the Buddhist monk Bernard Glassman, the roshi, says , and I paraphrase “Don’t

go out to that which aggravates you, make sure it’s coming in to you…” But we

spend a lot of time running towards what bothers us.

Right. Right.

So all that calms after you change your perspective a little.

Right. So in a way the body of the class is this middle courtyard of the

temple. The passage into the inner sanctum is the creative part of the class

because it depends on the variables we spoke about earlier : seasons, the

bhava of the class, the mood of the class- not that you’re always catering to

everybody’s whim, but you can see definite cycles before the new moon,

between the new moon and full moon, full moon to new moon, winter versus

summer and spring, and transitions between seasons.

In the middle body of the class is where you come in tune with both your

intuitive and disciplined intelligence , and what you want to teach that day ,then

you get ready to interact with What Is. When you try to figure out what you’re

going to teach that day, it’s going to be a combination of intuition and

disciplined intelligence and what I mean by that is you have a

responsibility as the guide to take people some place, not that

we’re going anywhere.

With a midwife, the mother is not asking you to be there to help her stay

in the contractions, she’s asking you to help her move from the first contractions

towards dilation towards giving birth. We’re all there for Yoga for many different

reasons , even if we’re just there to dwell more in our Being state. There’s a

disciplined intelligence in the approach to Being. Even if someone had no goal,

there’d be a Vinyasa about the No Goal. You would choose alot of stillness.

Meditation.

Meditation, restorative poses. A restorative type of practice, a Being type

of practice. Very little external movement. But if someone is interested in this

evolution of their being in consciousness on all the different levels, then many

different openings will occur, which for me is the constant model of a

chambered nautilus…

A chambered nautilus?

Yes. A chambered nautilius, like a shell, where this little sea creature has

a tiny chamber for itself and it keeps building bigger and bigger chambers . So

for me our life long pilgrimage plus our smaller life pilgrimage of doing this

practice over the years is that the asanas are the experience of creating greater

and greater spaces within ourselves to inhabit. You go from a simple backbend,

to cobra, to the more complex scorpion. The experience of that is a very

profound experience of opening, and you don’t just go from cobra to scorpion,

there are lots of stages between them, and the whole metaphor of pilgrimage

also anchors that evolution so that it’s not just external asana performance but

is the intimate experience of yourself …

Increasing…

…Expanding , but at the same time becoming deeper, you know?

Becoming stronger but also juicier.

Embodying the Flow

Part Three: The Ritual and the Wave of the Class

Shiva: Here are some practical elements of leading a class that can

enhance the flow…

THE ROOM AS RITUAL CONTAINER

If possible, be in the room earlier than the students arriving to set up

these elements of room ambiance. These are the ambient points that you will

play with during the class to enhance the flow.

LIGHTS

Bright lights are not conducive to flow. They are good for a lecture format,

when you need to hold people’s mental attention. In Flow we’re trying to find the

balance between internal and external states of consciousness. Find the setting

of the lights that allows for wakefulness and a sense of mood or bhava, that

allows them to connect intimately with themselves.

THE PLACEMENT OF THE MATS

Different possibilities. Either two rows facing each other with a river down

the middle – excellent when the class is less than twenty. Set your mat up either

in the middle on one side of the rows, or at the top of one side of the row. This

allows for a community sense of feeling.

If your students are all facing one direction, find the most inspired place

to face forward. For me it’s facing towards the greatest light. If there are mirrors, I

believe it’s ideal to not be facing them, unless you are using them as a teaching

tool for flow.

PROPS

If you are going to use props, it’s helpful to have people get them at the

very beginning of the class, rather than in the middle for Flow. So have them get

whatever they need, including blankets for shoulder stand, straps , blocks, at the

beginning. You can suggest to beginners to get a block and a strap, which they

can use for standing poses or forward bends.

SOUNDING OM

Your own connection to Om will also be a powerful tool for you and your

students. As Om starts to resonate inside you naturally, it becomes the way that

you attune your voice in the beginning of class to the experience of the Divine

speaking through you.

Sea: So many people seem to have a great deal of fear and trepidation

around their own Om, and the whole idea of being vocal to some students is

very unusual. People aren’t used to speaking out loud….

That’s why it’s so powerful.

If you are teaching where it doesn’t feel appropriate to start Om in the

beginning of class, you can Om in the car before your class, but it’s very

important , I feel , to begin a deep and authentic relationship to Om as the

underlying vibration of Creation.

There are ways to introduce Om to underline that it’s universal. Mention

that Om is a sound that you can hear in all of creation , including modern

technology, such as refridgerators and airplanes. They make great Oms.

Starting with the three sounds of Om : A, U, and M, is another way of

getting people comfortable with the sound.

The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable other people will

be.

Using the Sea of Oms, so the sound comes in and out, in and out, also

allows people a sense of the beauty of Om. This is an opportunity for an

unusual moment in most people’s 21st century life, of just being in sound

together. This sound is not even carrying an overt meaning, but is connected to

the underlying vibration and that’s where the meaning is.

You can also invite people to chant Om internally, which is a very

powerful experience of allowing the sound to resonate inside you.

THE FLOW OF MUSIC

It’s nice to play music as people are entering, then turn it off for the

opening chant. It’s always good for the opening piece of music to have a sacred

orientation .This allows people to feel the beginning of the pilgrimage of their

practice. If you’re teaching in a setting where you don’t feel comfortable using

chanting, then any simple rhythm, any kind of evocative music is also

appropriate for the beginning. Anything that allows people to begin to

syncopate and invites people to enter. Anything that invokes the beginning of

entraining.

For Surya Namaskara, the music in the beginning doesn’t have to be

strong and dynamic. Sometimes the contrast of very peaceful music while

you’re doing a very dynamic practice is really beautiful. It has a cross fertilizing

quality. It’s talking to your nervous system. But in an urban setting, dynamic

music in the beginning , after a period of some invocation music, inspires

people. It awakens their rhythmic nature, their rhythmic nature, their community/

tribal/celebratory nature.

And so it’s good to have a sense of how long you want to be in the first

wave of the dynamic flow, and to literally count three or four songs towards your

peak . Have a sense of how many minutes that is, whether it’s going to be

fifteen, 20, 30, 40 minutes till you get to your first peak.

How many peaks are there?

That’s up to you, but I’d say in every class there’s at least two peaks,

sometimes three or four.

You’re talking about from beginning to end?

Yes. (See Sequencing Classes.) So after your first peak in the Sun

Salutations, you want to play the kind of music that is balancing.

Invocation, heat and then balance.

Yes, and that’s where you begin to make your transition towards your

standing pose sequence. This is a classic Flow.

Then you have your standing pose sequence. You start to know that

whatever you do in your own practice, it’s going to be about a third longer when

you teach it. So know that when you’re doing the standing pose sequence in

your own practice and it’s thirty minutes, when you teach it, it’s going to be forty

or forty-five minutes. If it’s twenty minutes in your own practice, when you teach

it, it’s going to be thirty, thirty -five minutes. It’s always longer than your own

practice because you’re having to lead people, and sometimes demonstrate.

So in your standing poses, you do the same thing . Slowly feel the music.

The music usually flows from more mellow to more vibrant, more strength. Then

if you’re going into backbends, you can have the music get more introspective,

or more introspective to more dynamic again.

Sometimes it’s nice, for the lunar period , to have a whole other CD that’s

just lunar music because you can’t exactly tell when you want to switch to that

on your own CDs. That takes you towards Shavasana. It’s also nice to have

special music that’s just for Shavasana.

In terms of music, I rarely use music that has english spoken words ,

because I find it drives people’s attention towards the lyrics, but on the contrary ,

if there’s a very powerful piece of music that you can understand the words to

and you play that every now and then, that can be very inspiring. You know your

own student base. If they are not oriented towards Flow music or instrumental

music, then it’s your call.

You have to follow your own instinct. Don’t feel that you have to use

music and/or don’t be attached to your music ! Inevitably, there will be some

situation where the stereo is broken, or your CDs will be left in the other bag,

and this is a test to see if your teaching relies on your music, or if the music

enhances your teaching. It’s best if the music enhances your teaching and the

Flow. The Flow is not depending upon any one variable that could disrupt the

Flow. Ideally , we ‘re very adaptive. The teaching of Vinyasa Flow is to learn

how to connect to the Flow in all situations.

Also, silence is golden. You can have a class that’s primarily silent, and

you can use music in the beginning and the end. You can have a class that’s

primarily music with periods of silence. When you’re doing a concentrated

period of arm balances, or poses that require partner work such as handstands,

silence is best because of the level of interaction and concentration required.

Trust your intuition as to whether the music is enhancing the Flow, or

beginning to be just background noise.

Always gently turn up the volume and gently fade away.

Listen to the feedback of your students regarding the music you choose.

If you have any doubts about your projection, just casually ask “ Can

everyone hear me?” Or “ Can you hear me in the back? ” to adjust your volume.

VOICE IN THE FLOW

When I first started teaching, no one could hear me. Some of you are

blessed with voice training, singing, acting, or public speaking skills, but for

most of us, learning to project while staying connected to our heart is an art.

Be true to who you are. You will know that you’re in your authentic voice

when words flow off your tongue. You don’t have a sense of having to think

about what the next sentence is.

Always speak to the farthest person in the room to allow your voice to

project.

Be aware of the additional teaching that can be contained in your voice.

You can bring different qualities to whatever instruction you’re giving . If you

speak with a soft tone, you’re inviting more of feeling mind : sensuousness,

introspection , tenderness, – the qualities of the heart. If you speak very clearly

and directly, you’re inviting a sharpening of attention and focus. When you

speak slowly, you’re inviting people to slow down. Sometimes our voice picks

up because there’s so many details to transmit over people moving through

postures. Be aware if you’re rushing and if that’s being transferred into your

voice.

Try to keep a steady , underlying rhythm in your voice. Up the volume of

your voice like an exclamation point when you are in the peaks of your classes,

or when people are in a difficult pose, and you want to emphasize the

importance of maintaining the action or awareness. For example,in Vira 3, to

encourage maintaining the lift of the back leg , you could chant with a strong

voice “ Keep the back leg alive! Keep the back leg buoyant ! ” as if you are a

midwife, and the baby’s about to be born. And you’re using the voice very

naturally and authentically.

Like saying “Don’t drop the baby! “

Yeah , or “A few more pushes! ”

Lightness and humor in your voice. This takes time unless you’re a

natural comic . Don’t feel the pressure to be funny in your class. If you are open

to the spontaneous interaction that occurs in every class, your humor will come

naturally .

Using people’s names in class can be very empowering for that person

as well as creating a sense of community.

Gradually integrate saying the names of your students into the class.

The only thing that I would censor is if there’s any anger, anxiety,

judgement, or self rightousness in your voice, which can be expressed in a tone

as much as in words.

You can direct people through your voice, through your touch, and

through demonstration.

In a Flow class, look for the appropriate opportunities for giving

adjustments, so as not to inhibit the flow of the entire class.

Scan the room . Be aware of people’s body mechanics more acutely in

the beginning.

THE WAVE OF THE CLASS:

THE RHYTHMIC STRUCTURE OF A YOGA FLOW CLASS

The wave has to do with the essential teachings of Vinyasa, which is that

You Start Where You Are, and through a progression of intelligently sequenced

asanas, you arrive at your pilgrimage destination. So there are waves within

waves. The archtypal structure of a wave is that it has – like Vinyasa – a starting

point. It builds into the peak or the crest of a wave , and then it descends into a

balance or resolution or a counterpose to the peak of the wave. You could see

the entire class , no matter what the length of the time of the class, as

constituting the entire wave in itself. That’s the classic structure of drama , of

music, etc. You can also approach so that there is not just one peak in the class,

but two or three peaks in the class. Within those two or three peaks, you have a

sense of the starting point , your progression , leading to a peak, and then to

your descent, or counterpose.

“ONE WAVE”

Let’s talk about the classic “One Wave” structure of the class.

Obviously, we mention the opening or invocation as being the pivotal

starting point as to the way that you enter the flow, then you choose an actual

posture that you see as the peak of the class. This peak is archtypal in that it

reflects nature, in that the summer solstice is the peak of light in the day, and the

period of most sunlight. In a wave , its peak is the greatest height. And so in an

asana , a peak pose is the one of greatest complexity that requires the most set

up to reach .

So, if you’re doing a one wave class, you should have a sense of what is

the peak pose that you’re headed towards. If you’re doing a multi -peaked class

,then for each sub-sequence, you have a sense of what that peak is. For

example, what is the peak standing pose, arm balance, backbend, forward

bend, etc.

In a classically structured Vinyasa Flow class, you start with the sun

salutations and then you move into standing poses and arm balances on your

way to back bends and then twists, forward bends, hip openers and inversions .

Then to meditation, pranayama , savasana . Within any of those sections of the

first part which are solar, – which means working with building heat, – you’re

going to have a peak within the sun salutations, and that peak would be your

last sun salutation. Everything you’re doing is building towards that last one.

In the standing pose sequence, it’s not necessarily the last standing

pose, but it’s the standing pose that has the most complexity, and requires the

most opening and stability in the pose, e.g. Parivrita Ardha Chandrasana or

Virabhadrasana 3. The same thing with arm balances. In a beginner’s class,

Bakasana could be your peak in arm balances. In an intermediate class, your

peak arm balance may be Galavasana or even handstand. Your peak in your

backbends is obviously your most complex back bend. Your peak in your

forward bends and hip openers is your place of greatest depth. As soon as you

move into the lunar section, it’s not the pose that requires the most heat or

preparation , but it’s the place of greatest depth in terms of internal introspection

and in terms of flexibility. It could be the pose that you stay in the longest. There

begins the counter pose phase.

Now in an Iyengar style class, they may actually use head stand or

shoulder stand as the peak of the class. That’s somewhat unusual in the

Vinyasa system . In Iyengar, they do fewer poses to focus on alignment, and in

an hour and a half class, they may only do eight poses. It’s possible to use head

stand and shoulder stand as your peak in Vinyasa, but in an Iyengar class it’s a

more appropriate peak because they may only do standing poses, they may

only do forward bends and hip openers, or arm balancing and back bends. You

find in sequencing a Vinyasa Flow class that you stay closer to Ashtanga roots,

and trying to have a well rounded class that draws from all of the groups of

asanas , with both progressions and counter poses.

Sea: In an hour and a half class, just time wise, when do you switch into

the lunar cycle?

That’s about learning how to work with the clock, because this is a

challenge in Vinyasa Flow.

It’s a good way to shape the wave, maybe, to go by the clock.

Yes. In this you have to learn through your own practice. It’s good to have

a sense of when you’re going to reach the zenith of your practice, if you’re in an

hour and a half structure, you want to peak within an hour, so that there’s a half

hour at least of counterposes, inversions, and Shavasana. It’s good to actually

give yourself markers that are based on the clock so that you know that you

need to be winding down by a certain time, because you know that whatever

you plan , you’re going to have to inevitably let go of some poses. And that’s a

part of the improvisational nature of teaching. You can use the wave as a kind of

map, as you’re navigating the flow, to know if you’re a lot farther away than you

thought you were going to be to getting towards back bends, and you’re going

to have to really cut to the chase, and either let go of the complex pose that you

thought you were heading to, or be able to think on your feet in that moment of

what are the essentials that are going to take you there.

A one hour class is much different and you just pare down the sections.

Yes. So please see the sequences to have a greater understanding of

how this will actually flow in a practical sense. They illustrate what the actual

poses are and describe choices of modifications.

And thus ends the Wave. The crowd roars.

Yes. Thank you. Namaste. So much more to come.

Namaste, Shiva!


Homage to Frank:
The Official End of the Third World Softball League
by Sea Glassman
Nantucket Island, Mass.There’s alot to remember when you think of Frank Conroy. The
slight bulge of gentle alarm in his eyes, the grinning, sardonic expression of having been there, done that, the hunched nod, quietly affirming friendship. You wouldn’t likely forget the cranky yet affable grind of his voice, or the jazzy, fluent play of his hands across piano keys. Everyone knew Frank Conroy in this or that a way but no one knows a pitcher like his catcher, and though we each had our own claims to fame, I secretly identified myself to myself as Frank Conroy’s catcher.
On a scruffy softball diamond and dusty field, the infamous yet almost secret society called the Third World League Softball team played ball.
We were a scattered, slightly skilled skid row of famous occupants, shabbier than the bottoms of well worn jeans. Off the elbow of Cape Cod on the island of Nantucket, just outside the teeny town of ‘Sconset, and at the end of Milestone Road we met, camoflaged by low scrub brush so no one could really see us: actors in various stages of fame and comebackdom, local poets and printers, writers and inventors (Tom invented the Pepper Gun), vacationing cameramen and a few flimsy armed but spirited gals clueless about the great game, all appeared miraculously whenever the word leaked out – via the progeny of Conroy, that there would be a game. The edict was handed down by Frank himself and whispered in fevered sleep to him by Someone Higher.
The Conroys were the keepers of the bats and mitts, which were in a ratty old bent up cardboard box that somehow stood up for decades, changing shape. Towards our last games, it became a triangle. Frank was the silent boss of us all. Mostly, whenever we felt the need to convene, the team materialized as if by magic, a psychic hunch emerging from an unspoken but collective urge.
Somehow at the same moment of summer, everyone would either pull up in their rusted summer jalopies, jog onto the field in sawed off shirts, roll in on bikes with rusty spokes or get dropped off by wives amidst hollers and door slams and rejected “Can I come?”s. The old canvas bag and beat up cardboard box of mitts and bats would be pulled from the back of Conroy’s wagon by his two older boys and flung to the ground to be pawed and tested by regular vultures who ate up the game. One by one, teams were chosen. Frank picked slowly, deliberately, the underdogs,as if he had a plan.
Was it weekly? Was it monthly? Was it Saturday or Sunday? How many years did it go on? Nobody knows. It was always somehow run by that cantankerous voiced and jazz fingered Frank Conroy, quietly and demurely, kind of like the benevolent Irish Kingpin of some civilized writing Mob. The ribbing was poetic and jousty, quips were thrown through bee buzzing air by people who knew each other over the course of one or four decades. The song of “battah battah battah” was a great hymn equaling the songs of summer birds. It was a kind of bliss, that ragtag team.
There was Dick of Poet’s Corner Press, Tom the Pepper Gun guy, Gene Mahon of the Camera Shop, John Shea the actor, Conroy the Iowa writer, his sons Will and Dan, me the NY actress/director, a movie theatre owner, a chef and restauranteur, various ex-spouses, wives, girlfriends, children, nieces, nephews and out of town guests who could not be shaken. John Shea became legend the summer he ricocheted with force off the back chain link fence in a failed attempt to catch a high ball to center field. It flew so high over his head he lost track of the world and hit the fence, knocked the wind out of himself. There he lay on the ground, motionless- high drama.
We all had dirt on our shirt fronts, some more than others. There were grass stains on our bare knees. A proud and ramshackle bunch to be sure, speaking the unspoken language of eyes. Frank’s pitches were even, quiet and secretive. His pop eyes rolled at me knowingly, a man of words not needing words. He pitched so people could hit, he leaned in slow and low for the kids and the girls, dropping his head and showing me the back of his hand, like a dog giving his paw. Sometimes I’d drop an upside down peace sign between my knees for the crowd, as if that meant something, and he’d shake his head seriously as if he’d consider it or cock it and sneer as if I were a fool. He knew how to put a little spin on it if he wanted to, but he liked to not be too fancy.
The whole game went on for years or for decades – I’d swear it, but the day it stopped, we all knew, didn’t we. Frank even wrote about it in his book.
That final summer we were invited to a private field in the town of Nantucket. We should never have left ‘Sconset, because we were mostly ‘Sconset people, and ‘Sconset people are the most particular, peculiar and intimate people on earth, easily repulsed by the antics of out of towners, off the Rockers (Nantucket is known as “The Rock” to on-islanders), and Americans in general. Admittedly, we were swayed by the beauty and extravagance of the field, green and perfect, a metaphor for wealth, which was a paradox our name would not allow. Despite our poor beginnings we aquiesced and showed up in good faith at the mansion and private baseball diamond of that nice rich guy, the murderer of our team. God bless him, he recognized the purity of a true American past-time, even if it was tainted by the bunch of artistic hoodlums that made up our pathetic yet endearing mess of a team. I think they offered us t-shirts.
When we got there, fumes of butter and salt issued from a shiny red and golden popcorn cart. The rag tag team sprawled toward the field, worried with high expectation. Frank had his doubts, I remember. He smelled doom. You could see it in his eyes – they were hanging a little too low under the pupils – suspicious, he was. We signed the possibility of the Third World away when they handed us release forms saying we wouldn’t sue the nice rich guy if we got hurt swinging our cracked bats on his fancy field, and as soon as we slapped our John Hancocks down, we all looked at each other guiltily and knew the Third World League would never survive the luxury. It was over. I don’t even remember the game, and I don’t have the t-shirt. We knew it was the end of an era, and yet it never fully died in us. There was always the hope of a game, the hint of it whenever one of us saw each other. But four days ago, when Frank Conroy died, we knew, without a doubt, that the Third World Softball League will never play again. It’s over.
This past summer, some of us spoke of a reunion, still looking with such sweet longing onto the lumpy, weed bludgeoned field that lay unmowed in our memories. We could have done it- made a come back. But without Frank, it wouldn’t do.

Sea Glassman is a filmmaker, writer, painter and poet who lives and works in LA.
Her first film, stacey steals flowers, was shot and debuted in Nantucket at the Nantucket Film Festival. She was Frank Conroy’s catcher, Third World Softball League, Siasconset, Nantucket Island, Mass.

Poverty Bitch

Poverty Bitch. A Prose piece for Male Voice by Sea Glassman
Poverty is that bitch in the red velvet dress down to her ankles, gold lame` scarf and under her vibrant smile are black and missing teeth; she smiles that winning almost toothless grin – her other teeth perfect and white – and somehow she undoes all your thoughts of what belongs to you. She is sheepish and shy while undoing your zipper, and she slips you the hand while conversing about Literature, the Arts. Her fingernails are dirty, and her nails are chipped – not all of them. When she sings she can belt out a tune like a diva – her raspy voice a tattooed barmaid seducing the song, her long fingers holding a long cigarette, and she acts like she knows you, even on the street, fresh from the bed, in front of people you want to impress and don’t want to know that you know her. And I love her, I love her.
This love affair, I’ll admit, has gone on for so long, she’s the only one, the only one I see. I look around for others and – it’s not that she’s possessive -she’d let me go if I wanted, but somehow, that voice and the way she holds her cigarette, the way her eyes dance with a dangerous flame going up – I want her – I want her – I admit. She’s a bitch and she loves me, but she’s all I’ve got.
At night in the deep of her arms she pulls me close and tells me lies, but she makes them sound like the truth. Her lipstick is so red, so red that it makes the words pink, so they taste like candy in my mouth, and they make me sick but I keep on eating. It’s the only food she has, and I‘m hungry. I am so hungry I forgot how to eat, but Poverty -Poverty won’t touch me, – she rubs my feet, and tells me how someday she‘ll get to the rest of me, when she has time – she’s busy right now, she says through her red lipstick, over her shoulder, then whips out her cell phone to talk to some guy and in the morning she’s gone, but my pillows are stained. No quarters for the laundry.
I call and leave messages – I call all the time, but she’s out, or she’s screening, she has an appointment – it’s only a friend. So I wait and pass time – I watch some TV – she’ll come around again – I know it. She always does. And just when it gets so bad – when I’m so lonely I feel like I’ll die, Poverty comes around whistling a tune, and she throws me some money and winks – just a little, just enough, and I feel so lucky, I go out and buy me some token of Poverty’s affection, something to hang on the car mirror maybe – and when I see her next I’ll take her by the hand and thank her for not forgetting me – she’s all I have. I take the token home and I put it on my windowsill . I think of Poverty when she’s not there – she’s always there but she’s never there, when she’s out or with others, or smoking in bathrooms, or on the phone with one of her friends. Only friends.
Then we’re at a party and she’s in a mood, – she slips out for a smoke, and slits her eyes at me while going by – I was trying to ignore her, but sometimes she’ll grab me and make me feel strong, like I could do without her, she’ll kiss me like a drunken bear and then push me away and I’m out on my own. Woozy and swollen and stumped.
And I don’t want her anymore – I’m sick of her – through, you see ? I’ve had it with her. I don’t want her any more. I follow and grab her skinny dry wrists and she pushes me into the street and I go – I flip her off and tell her her ass is too skinny ! Now in the light of the street she’s scrawny and drawn, and not the least bit attractive – her teeth are loose and falling out, her foot massages stink – she’s a prude and she’s greedy, I tell her – I don’t like the token -it’s cheap and it’s flimsy – it’s damn badly made, it swings like a monkey from my mirror, a monkey on my back, cheap, like her shoes , which don’t match her red velvet dress! They’re the wrong color! This backs her up to the concrete street wall. She draws a straight line with her eyes from my feet to my hair and opens her mouth to a scowl shaped like a red bent wheel and rolls it at me -a string of cuss words and a thousand ships sailing out of a red cave to war with blue flags unfurling behind, and she flicks her cigarette butt at me while it burns and she laughs at her own cruelty, – she has outdone herself this time! Then she walks down the stair case, that haggy old bitch, – she looked young in the dark – I’m a fool – and she picks up the phone like I ceased to exist and she talks and I walk.

I walk away. I am done with her. She bores me. I admit it – I loved her. I loved her so much I wanted to bleed for her. I wanted her hand to reach through my chest and pull out my heart. I wanted her all to myself all the time, I wanted to live with her, live inside her, I wanted to be in her blood.
But there’s no liquid in those skinny veins – and she doesn’t eat so I can’t take her out. She’d throw up the dinner. I’d call at the door of the bathroom, “ Poverty ! Poverty! Are you in there? When are you coming out?! ” Here she comes, wiping her mouth with the back of her wrist. Her hands, though the fingers were long and attractive – dry as ten bones in a graveyard. She was mean, through and through.

So why did I love her, why was I devoted, why did I want her and need her and follow her and beg her, again and again, to keep me, to keep me ? Why did I come back again and again, hoping she’d notice me, that I’d be the one that she’d keep?
That bitch didn’t even read the paper-she knew nothing of current affairs – the earthquake in India, the riches of the world , the colors of the grass, the ups and downs of the stock exchange, the song of the wind, the blue of the sky , the feel of the air in the Spring, the cats and dogs to feed and stroke, the babies with fat rolls of flesh and toothless smiles of pure love – she was selfish, is all. There was no one but her. Just Poverty. A one woman show. No room for anyone else. Nothing in the refridgerator, because she forgot to pick up the milk, she forgot to pick up the bread. That should have been the first clue.

But we’re through now, see? Through.